


Paris En Tu Invierno

by avalanchesteez



Category: K-pop, LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Love, Second Chances, Study abroad au, photography major ha sooyoung, vocal performance major kim jiwoo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-08-17 03:13:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 31,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16508279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avalanchesteez/pseuds/avalanchesteez
Summary: Kim Jiwoo and Ha Sooyoung break up and go separate ways. They find themselves living out their truest aspirations in Europe, but still feeling something's missing. Jiwoo suffers from depression and is unsure on how to manage in a new home. Sooyoung is studying photography and is trying to find herself in a sea of different relationships. When the two meet up again, will the spark still be there? Or will there be an explosion?





	1. i.seoul,south korea.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. this is my first story on AO3 that I had also posted on asianfanfics and wattpad under the name meowjins. as you can see i am a huge loona fan. i am also fluent in spanish(at least i am working towards it. i've been speaking for 4 years. correct me if there are any mistakes). (but not in french. my friend is).

Chuu.

 

Kim Jiwoo. My name was along the passport. My photo smiling back at my frowning face. I took this photo 6 months ago. It was when I was fresh out of secondary school. I can't recall why I was so happy that day, but I was extremely excited. I still had black hair back then. But, I recently dyed it a dark red. I'm fully aware of this phase I'm going through. I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm in Seoul, South Korea. I failed most of my college exams because I didn't believe in succeeding in them. Most of the art schools in Korea were fully admitted and had me on waiting lists. 

I feel like I've lost myself. In brutal honesty, I really lost control of myself. I live off of my friend Heejin. Her tiny apartment can barely house us both. We share a tiny bedroom and she cooks for us both. Haseul sometimes stops by with dinner from her part-time job. The thing is, a music school in Paris contacted me a few weeks back. They want me to join their classical vocal class. I was honored, but barely have the funds to go on a plane. The school offered me a scholarship. But, I have no way to live over in a place as big as Paris. 

Heejin walks into the room, disturbing my thoughts. She sits her book bag down on her desktop and opens a bag. "I bought us some chicken. I have something to celebrate." 

"What?" I ask her. She smiles at me and nudges me. "Come on, just tell me. I'm not good at guessing games." 

"I scored an internship in Paris, France that offers housing." Heejin bounces on the balls of her feet. She looked very happy. I already knew what was coming next. "They told me I can have a roommate and I referred them to you. They accept us both. We're to be gone by next month."

"Next month?" I started braiding my hair. "When's the lease up for our apartment up?" 

"Technically by this Thursday. You don't even pay for it anyway," Heejin jabbed. That hurt a lot. I never had a job, considering I'm not even enrolled into college. I wonder how I'll thrive abroad. Apparently, it's more better over in the West. I can succeed creatively, according to my old teachers. 

I pick up my laptop and turn it on. It hums to life as I type in my password. "So, you gave my information without my permission?" 

"They simply asked for a name and birthday in the referral," Heejin said. "I think it's roughly 30 minutes away from your school. You're going to École Normale de Musique de Paris, right?

 

"Yes. Someone wrote me a letter stating they have viewed my vocal portfolio..." I shrugged it off. "It could have been Teacher Siam or Teacher Yoon. Either way, I got accepted there. I applied out of a hopeless aspiration."

"Aren't you fluent in French?" 

"Presque." I replied quickly.

"Wow...it's crazy...you and Sooyoung were fluent in European languages. You guys literally promised to-" 

I winced. The sound of her name stabbed me right in the heart. Sooyoung. Ha Sooyoung. My ex girlfriend. One of the many factors of my wanting to leave. I didn't want to think about her. The memory of our break up is still fresh in my mind. My graduation. 

The sun was beaming down on our class. Teachers were rushing around, begging everyone to settle down. Sooyoung wasn't there. My family was. As we all grouped up for the class photo, there was a text from an unknown number. There was a long paragraph. It was from Sooyoung. She was in Spain. To sum up what she said, she had no time to say goodbye to me. Matter of fact, she said she was unsure how. She just packed her bags and left. She had graduated a year before me, to paint a better picture. She finally got accepted in a program to study abroad faraway. She wanted to cut off all contact from me. 

Heejin yelled at me as I cried all night. It made no sense at all. How we broke up. How we fell apart made things worse. I didn't really want to think about it. 

"Sorry," Heejin quietly said. "Let's just eat dinner to celebrate. Maybe, you should start looking for a job to pay the landlord extra so we can stay just a little longer." 

"Who's going to accept me?" I rolled my shoulders. 

"I dunno. Maybe this chicken place?" Heejin waved the bag, the aroma of chicken suddenly making me hungry. 

I rolled my eyes. "Let's just go now." 

"We can't yet. You have a boarding ticket?" 

"I'll pay for it with the rest of what's in my savings." 

"Where did that money come from?" 

"My...." I snapped my fingers. "Someone in the family." 

Heejin pressed her lips in a hard line. She knew better than anyone that I will never accept anything from my family. Especially with what they done. I was kicked out the house as soon as my family found out I was gay. This was not that long ago. This was a few days before my graduation.

Sooyoung had come to pick me up from my house to go out on a date. I go out with her to the movies. And we come back to see my parents there. They were confused as to why I was going out with Sooyoung so much, instead of . My eldest brother speaks up out of disgust and outs me. 

I really thought that Sooyoung and I were kept secret, but Sooyoung apparently told my brother that we were dating because she didn't want to be hidden as just my friend anymore. It broke my heart. I thought she understood but she got so forceful. We had a big argument and didn't speak until she sent me that text message. 

"Well...I can check in...But, maybe you should talk to your family members before you leave." 

"If I left they wouldn't bat an eye," I replied. It was true. After they found out, they took me off the family registry as soon as possible. I had to fight for the money. My lawyer had got together a fee of 5 billion won. Then I was free. I paid 2 billion for my plane ticket and application fee. 

Heejin shrugged. "Just a suggestion." 

"I'll send a letter." I went and got a piece of chicken. "Maybe they'll send me more money." 

"How did that settlement even go?" 

"They owe me support in every way." I licked my fingers. "Let's get to packing." 

"Jiwoo..." Heejin dabbed her mouth with a napkin. "You've changed a lot from the girl I met in high school." 

"Well things change." My lips that once smiled very often, were now in a neutral line. Heejin paid for her ticket online and we were due to leave by Thursday night. By Friday in Paris, France, I will be someone different. Someone else. Maybe. Not known as depressed Kim Jiwoo . Maybe vocalist Jiwoo Kim.


	2. ii.seville, spain.

Yves.

"Yves, ven aqui."

I shuffle my flats on my way to Bella, my classmate for political science. We were in the biggest library in the city. She was flipping over her notes from class today and I was searching for the textbook that we needed for our joint essay. She holds up a loose leaf slip of paper. I read it through. It was the first paragraph with all of the information that we needed. "What about the book?"

"We don't need it," she replies softly. I smirk at her. The library was about to close at 9. We needed to head back to the dorms before curfew. We didn't even eat dinner. I slung her bag over my shoulders and then picked up my own. "Hey, did I ask you to take my bag?"

"Chilvary isn't dead." I pinch her sleeve and pull her close.

"Uh-uh, Yves. Eres un jugador." Bella raises her eyebrows. I can't help it. She's the most beautiful girl in my political science and economic studies classes. I have Stacey, Marietta, and Quinn in every other quarter of the day. But, Bella was different than all of them. She never let me take her out on a date. This was our first time out after sundown. She wasn't too keen on studying after a certain time, but I practically begged for the extra hours.

Admittedly, I am a crappy person. I usually get what I want after a few conversations, but Bella makes it hard. Which makes me want her even more. She's a challenge. I like challenges. Bella pushes me off of her, her cheeks red. I raise my arms in defeat. She snatches her bag off of me. "Hey, I was just trying to help you out!"

"You aren't going to seduce me today," Bella chuckled. "Or ever."

We walked down the streets of Seville, beautiful street lamps, buildings, etc. I became so adjusted to living here after a few months but I knew that I was due to be leaving for somewhere else soon. Photography assignment. Big photography assignment. Being a wanderer in my studies for SUNY University, I study abroad any and everywhere. My grades were superb enough for it.

I really didn't want to leave Bella though. She made me want to stay. I've been here for over 6 weeks. I'm due to leave by Thursday, but I can't even move. She makes me stuck. "Bella...."

"Yes, Yves?"

"What if I told you I really liked you?"

"I wouldn't believe it for a second," she said. Bella and I were both students studying abroad. She was from Italy and I, from South Korea. We got along with the other foreign students, but Bella and I were the closest of friends. I didn't want to leave her. She reminded me of someone...someone from my past. I want to be in a future with Bella. But, she wouldn't let me. Bella's eyes were brown with golden flecks in them. She looked innocent and sweet. Her lips were painted a soft strawberry color. She had some freckles on her neck and one above her eyebrow. I really liked this girl.

"And why is that?"

"Because you don't like anyone but yourself, Yves..."

And the way she said my name...don't get me started on that. She made me smile every time.

"I like you...you're different."

Bella smiled as we waited on the curb. I watched as cars drove by. She watched them go by as well. "I wish I could like you, Yves. But you're selfish. You don't care about anyone, but yourself. It's off-putting. I can't see myself with you because of that."

I smiled, my heart crippling in my chest. She made rejection seem so sweet. I sighed as we crossed the street, about to go to that 24 hour food shop that sold amazing gazpacho. We got our food and then just went back to our college. The gates were still open, shockingly. Bella bowed to me and turned her way off. I grabbed her by the wrist. "Wait...can I prove myself to you? I'll cut off all those girls for you."

"Bella!"

I look behind her to see Gregory walking up to her. She pulls away from me and then runs up to him. I knit my brows together in confusion and jealousy. She turns back at me. "Sorry, Greg," she says in English. "Yves and I were just hanging out studying."

"She looks pretty darn pissed at you, Bells," he says back in English. He looks up at me. "Did I walk into something?"

"No, no. You're fine...I was.-"

"Just saying good night," Bella said. She intertwines her fingers into his. I smiled uncomfortably and walked off, away from the happy couple.

Evaluating myself was something that I hated to do. I never believed in it. I always lived my life on a fast pace landslide. I'm always being uncommitted and not tied down. I didn't see a point in it. So when Bella called me selfish, I didn't know how to respond. None of the other girls I toyed with called me that. None of them called me out. Aside from her. And the other one...

Jiwoo Kim was the first love of my life. Perhaps the last. I never felt anything so strong about anyone. Bella was like Jiwoo in many ways. The way they smiled. The fearless way they spoke to me. And much more. As much as I hate to admit it, I do still love Jiwoo. I cherish her more than anything. So when someone similar comes by, I'm attached to them...I fall for them.

I unlock my phone once I get into my dorm. My roommate was never there. She was probably off with her boyfriend or something. He was a rich 30 year old who owned a villa in Fuente del Rey. So I was always alone. I went into the photos. This was the one part of the day I could still be vulnerable and cry. I bit my lip and a tear fell down as I pressed the first video of Jiwoo and I.


	3. iii.roissy-en-france,france.

Jiwoo.

"Come on, Chuu. We haven't got all day. The Uber just got here," Heejin sighed.

I lunged my bags over my shoulder and grunted. These things were too heavy to be carrying around. I read all the French signs in fluency. I helped Heejin direct her way through. I honestly haven't seen my second language this much before. It excited me. It also inspired me. With my acceptance letter in my fists (I had visited my family one last time before going away. They gave it to me, along with a small lump of cash), I was ready to take France on. Though, I didn't even feel worthy enough. I had no one but Heejin right now. She's the only one I'm counting on. I have to cherish her.

We ran outside. A man was holding a sign that read my name on it in sloppy handwriting. He immediately ran to tend to our bags. We sat in the backseat together. As soon as the man speaks, my brain freezes because I'm not used to engaging in too much conversation in French, but he spoke English. "Hey. Where are you guys from?"

"Je parle français," I say softly. It made me so nervous talking to him. But, immediately, my self-esteem took a small rise when he responds back to me.

"D'où êtes vous les gars?" (I translate to Heejin who is beside me "He says where are we from")

"Corée du Sud," I reply. ("Korea.")

"Comment connaissez-vous le français?" he asks. ("Where did I learn french?")

"Je veux chanter et la France a l'école de mes rêves. J'ai appris sur internet." ("I want to sing and French has my dream school. I learned through the internet.") Basic answer. But, it's true. I immersed myself in French television shows, music, and art. I thought of France as somewhere I can start anew. But, I still felt empty. My heart fluttered with excitement, while my head was filled with so much doubt.

I used to be so much better at being optimistic. But, I'm in a foreign country. I'm living off of her for now. Possibly, the dean will allow me to get a dorm here if they aren't full. I only have knowledge of the language. I don't even know anyone. But, what was left for me back in South Korea? Heartbreaking memories? A family that doesn't even want me and shoves cash into my face? People who judge me for my sexuality and my differences? I never fit in. Ever since Sooyoung walked out of my life, everything became so difficult to handle. It's not that I was dependent on her, I just needed her to keep my sanity. She was my impulse control. She was the light in my life that left.

We got to our new apartment. We unloaded our things. The space was slightly larger than our place back at home...well in Korea. Heejin pointed to a room on the left. "This is like a hotel suite."

"It's not though. It's a rented apartment," I say. "And we can finally have our own rooms." What a relief. I'm sure Heejin would be able to freely study all night with the lights on. I could sleep in the pitch black dark and think to myself. I like to think of this space as something that would allow me to not burden her. I always was in her face every time she came back from class.

"You know I'm only staying for a few months...I think 7, if I'm not mistaken," Heejin said. "When will you speak to the dean?"

"Maybe once I get acclimated with my courses. Like, in a week? Or later...i dunno."

"Just take your time. I'm sure if they really want you here, they'll offer a living space." Heejin placed her hands on her hips and looked out the window. "Damn. The view."

We looked out the window and there was a small glimpse of what Paris, France was. It was unique. It was different than Korea. It showed promise to me. I lifted my head up to see the sky, turning a dark shade of purple. I wanted to visit the Eiffel Tower tonight, though it was our first evening here. I was slightly jetlagged as well. I also made a promise that I will never look at the Eiffel Tower at night by myself. That promise was once for Sooyoung. We wanted to come here together and visit the tower. And share a kiss. But, maybe I should try to fall in love with myself for right now. I want to.

"Any food places near here?"

"How should I know?"

"Little Miss Fluent should know everything about France."

"There's something called I just know a language and there's also a thing called Google."

"Uber Eats?" Heejin waves her phone at me.

"Okay. I'll settle for something basic like...McDonalds..."

Heejin scrunched up her nose. "How common are you? We should try something local. Miss Fluent, give me a better suggestion."

"I always wanted to try steak frites. It's beef," I said. I type into my phone. "We're getting steak frites."

As time passed, we got our food. After eating, we settled into our own rooms. It was the first time I was in my own room since I moved out. The other thing is that I won't be hearing Heejin hum before going to sleep. I loved her voice, but she never saw herself as a singer. She was still studying botany and other sciences. I close the door behind me and meet my small room. A window peers out to a pretty view of cars zooming around. Lights were pretty. The Eiffel Tower was in the far distance, its lights brightly shining.

I felt like I was going to cry. I sat on the bed and opened my bag. Sniffling, I reach for a photo album of school memories. Heejin and I were grinning at the camera. A folded photo. I took it out to see Sooyoung on the other side of it. I bit my lip and felt at ease. I wonder what she was doing. Was she looking up at the same moon as me? It's a beautiful night. I'm in Europe and she's somewhere in the world. Maybe, with some other girl not thinking of me at all.


	4. iv.barcelona,spain.

Yves.

Okay, I know I'm a piece of shit. I'm at some girl's room after a wild party at a club. I don't even know her name, but we exchanged a deep conversation over mojitoes and dancing. One thing led to another and I was with her for the night. Sometimes, I wonder what my purpose in life is. What am I doing? I'm a photographer. I photograph photos on the caliber of Henri Cartier-Bresson, according to most of my professors. Also I'm making my own portfolio called lust., I'd photograph the girls I'm with for the evening for my personal collection. I'll sell this for a good sum of money to continue my wandering journey. Wherever the wind takes me. Girls get fascinated with the idea of engaging with a photographer. They also like posing for me. My portfolio consists of 15 photos of 15 different girls.

To define intimacy, I had to study it. This was how I studied intimacy: I take girls, charm them, sleep with them, sometimes leave them alone for weeks, they come back, I sleep with them again. A lot of my guy friends cheer me on for it, but my girl friends (like Bella) call me out on it. I'm aware that I am out of character. But, honestly, I never had a loving bone in my body since Jiwoo.

How long has it been anyway? I forgot. I always deal with this large weight of regret when the girl snuggles up to me. She presses her lips against my neck that's already covered in bruises. I pity her. I can't feel a thing for her. Usually, when you sleep with someone, someone always catches feelings when it happens. Girls seemed to be attached to me, and it feeds into my egocentric personality. I'm quiet, but when I speak, I know my words hold value. I'm a feminine seductress who breaks hearts. It's an unhealthy thing to do, but the reason I do it is for the sake of my heart. 

This girl intertwines her fingers into mine. "Mmm...¿De dónde eres?"

"Corea de la Sur," I purr into her hair. "Es muy hermosa. Tal vez, te lleve algun dia. Te puedo presentar mi país de noche porque la vida de noche es muy divertida." (South Korea. It is very lovely. Maybe I can take you some day. I can present my country at night because the night life is very fun)

"Te quiero en la luz de la dia porque tu cara es muy brillante y bonita. Quiero caer in amor contigo." (I want you in the light of the day because your face is bright and pretty. I want to fall in love with you).

Now it's time for me to go. I giggle softly. Silly girl. I feel no remorse as I grab her face and kiss her hungrily. The study of romance is something I pass exceedingly. I just don't put too much feeling into it. My hands graze upon her neck. She gasps and then I slowly pull her back in for another round. I'm usually mindless in my advances. I'm going to break her heart by the next morning.

As she falls asleep, I slip out into the daylight. The sun is rising and it looks beautiful. I always preferred sunrise in Barcelona to that in Seville. It pleases me more. It also comes out a little earlier. I don't know where I'm going, but the train is possibly going to lead me to the airport. And I'll be on an airplane to somewhere different. Another set of girls to add to my Playbunny portfolio to sell off. Another set of bodies. Perhaps a different language.

I only acquired Italian over the past few months because of the numerous girls I've been engaged with were fluent in that and Spanish. I vaguely understand Portugese. Another girl, another good set of Euros. Travelling Europe has always been a dream of mine. I always wanted to go from country to country. The company I'm selling my portfolio to (well offering it to) were giving me a lot of money so they could put this set of photos in their photo book. As soon as I get everyone's consent, it's gonna be sent. Once I get 100 photos, I can have my own book. I just need 5 more photos to offer my preview.

I get a plane ticket to Paris, France since it was the only country my school was giving me money for at the moment. Paris...damn. Paris, France. I never thought I would end up there. I could almost taste the baguettes on my tongue. This was my second stop on my European tour. Spain for a few months, Paris for who knows how long. I wait for the flight. A few girls steal glances at me. One of them points at me and glares. I smile a little until one of them finally gets in my face.

"YOU ARE THE GIRL WHO HURT MY FRIEND!" she shouts in English.

I tilt my head in confusion. "Who are you talking about?"

"My friend Evelyn!"

Evelyn...Evelyn...I searched my mind. I really should stop playing with people's hearts like this. Honestly, I wouldn't be in this situation. I gave myself a bad reputation here. I might be even worse in France if all goes well. Which Evelyn? I really wanted to ask but I was already in some deep shit. I just nod. "I'm sorry."

"SHE CRIED FOR WEEKS OVER YOU. YOU HAVEN'T CALLED HER IN WEEKS."

I want to laugh but I don't. I hear this all to often.

"Vuelos para París, Francia..."

"Lo siento. I've gots to go," I said, picking up my things. "Tell Evelyn if she wants me, she should have not introduced me to her friend." I walk over to the gates. "Also, if she wants me to stay, tell her to give me a call. She knows me number."

As I got on the plane, a small smile appears on my face. Who knew a photographer could have this many girls chasing her down like a K-pop idol?


	5. v. paris, france

Jiwoo. 

It was my first day at Ecole Normale de Musique de Paris. I am  wearing a red skirt and a white and red Breton stripe sweater. I am wearing a new beret that I purchased yesterday from the centre commercial. Heejin placed a small red rose in it, stating that I look like I am ready for Christmas. I guess the red heels didn't help with anything. People stole glances at me and I immediately was in discomfort. I felt like I didn't look that good. I had my bag slunked over my shoulders, them feeling super uncomfortable. I had my head hanging low for the longest time. I got so used to it, but today, it just felt more uncomfortable. 

Everyone was glancing at me. Well, I guess I'm the new girl. That's one thing. But it's the first day of the semester. Why isn't everyone else looking at the other new people?  Did everyone here now each other? I looked at myself to make sure I was okay. I had History Of Music as my first class today. But the dean had requested to see me at once. He offered a letter to approve my attendance of the class in advance. He had also clipped the fact that it was urgent in my email. I tried to ask for help, but no one offered. Then someone taps my shoulder.

"Cherchez-vous le bureau du doyen?" (Are you looking for the dean's office?)

It's a girl with a butterfly tattoo on her neck and she's the most gorgeous thing I ever laid eyes on. I felt my heart pound. "Oui." 

"Je vais te promener là-bas. Je m'appelle Max." She raises her hand at me. "Et vous?" (I'll walk  you there. My name is Max. And you?)

"Jiwoo Kim." 

"Jiwoo Kim...." Max repeats. 

"Tu peux m'appeler Chuu." I smiled. She was so cute. She beamed at me, her hands running through her short cut. I was fascinated instantly. "Je viens de Corée. Je suis nouveau en france." (You can call me Chuu. I come from Korea. I am new to france).

Max nods. "Ensuite, je me ferai un devoir de vous faire visiter Paris, ma ville d’amour."( I'll make it a point to show you Paris, the city of love.)

So, we walk together to the dean's office. Max opens up to me about everything. How she was actually a they. Their openness about their androgynous was what led them to leave their parents. I learned more about genderfluidity as they told me about it in depth.  And Max was very interested in me mostly. They kept asking me questions about where I came from and about who am I as a person. Honestly, I barely even know myself. Max sighs as we're standing in front of a small building that read "bureau de doyen". "Nous sommes là," they say to me. We are here. We are in front of the dean's office. But I didn't want them to leave just yet. 

"Voulez-vous venir dîner avec moi ce soir ?" The confidence I thought I lost months ago came back. I had asked them out for dinner. Max smiles at me and then licks their lips. They nod. We exchange our numbers and then they kiss me on the cheek good bye. I wonder how they even got to know me. But by the time they wave me off I saw that Max was a tour guide/RA. Ah. That explains a lot. I make a mental note to ask the dean about empty dormitories or more places to live since I have to move out of Heejin's place once she leaves back for Korea.

The dean is at her desk. She raises her eyebrows and gives me a wide grin. "Ahhhh! la fille merveilleuse qui est Jiwoo Kim! I've been waiting for you for the longest time!" She raises from her desk and gives me a big hug. "I've heard so much about you from your portfolio. I never really looked that deeply into foreign students but I simply must say...you're an astonishing person. Someone gave you a rec and I simply mustn't say no to that." 

I smile greatly. This is a blessing in the skies. For the first time in a while, someone appreciates me. I never saw someone so animated in my entire life. I was glad someone put my work out there...but who did? I sat across from her. There was two cups of tea. She invites me to drink one and I nervously pick it up. "I already want you involved in the winter concert. The teachers are stunned by your background. Your mother was involved in opera, right?" 

"Yes." I was shocked by the amount of English she was speaking. Did she know I was fluent in French? I guess not. I just let it slide because I understood her. Most of my European language classes online involved a speaker fluent in English so I picked up on both more easily. 

"Jiwoo...I'm blessed to have you here. When Mr. Ha told me to look at your portfolio I certainly couldn't have resisted..."

I choked on the hot tea. Mr. Ha. As in...Sooyoung's uber-rich father, Mr. Ha. The Mr. Ha that drove me home at 11 at night after Sooyoung almost got me in trouble by keeping me out past curfew. The Mr. Ha who gave his daughter an Audi that she crashed the next day. The Mr. Ha who liked his daughter's girlfriend more than his own daughter because she was a good girl. Everything that he wanted Sooyoung to be, I was. "Ha....yeah." 

"He claimed that he looked at you as family for a while." 

I tried to think. Mr. Ha never knew that I was interested in this school. He was truly never in Sooyoung's life like that. But, he came around torward Sooyoung's final year at secondary school. He became more relevant. I folded my hands atop the table. "I have known him...he was a good man to me." 

"He praised you for your personality. There was nothing more. But, his daughter was with him at the dinner we were at together in England." England? Sooyoung went to England with Mr. Ha? I thought she found hanging out with him was unneccesary, considering the situations. But, I guess they got close or something. The dean continues to ramble about how wonderful I am for the school. I felt like I was just being an asset added because of my abilities and connections. Mostly connections. It lowered my mood again. I walked out as soon as she was done rambling about my greatness to find my class. 

I thought of the world as superficial after Sooyoung came into my life. She just made things so difficult. She also was a surface type of person and only took things for face value. I didn't want to think about her, but just as I thought...Sooyoung would find a way back into my life even if she wasn't in it anymore. 


	6. vi.lyon,france

Yves. 

I am now in France. It's already tripping me up at how different it is to Spain. I'm not used to all the French words being plastered around. Whenever I see French words, I think of Jiwoo. And how badly she wanted to come here. I shake that thought away from me. I have to get on the TGV INOUI on the way to Paris. I have to meet with my editor there and possibly start my classes at the Speos Photographic Institute.I have to turn on my English speaking hat, as I know not a lick of French. I should be in Paris by 8pm. I fondle with my new apartment keys that were mailed to me last week, How did I even score an internship here? In France of all places? Oh yeah, my lovely circle of connects. 

Boarding the train, I watch some beautiful features of France appear. The groves of land. The cities. The beautiful architecture. The comfortable lighting of the sun eased my heart. Pretty soon, it started to go down. I looked at my phone to see the time. It's 17:30. I forgot...autumn is fastly approaching. That's when the falls scatter to the ground and make beautiful pictures. It's also nearing what would have been Jiwoo and I's 3rd anniversary. I look through the photo drive to see videos of us on our first anniversary. I took her to a French-inspired bakery in Seoul. She was so new to the city, So was I. But, she was used to the metropolitan lifestyle as she was from Chungju. I was so excited as she gushed about how happy she was to be with me that day. She kissed me and we had slept together in the same bed. No sex. Just holding each other. I never experienced that form of affection in a long time. I lived my life so fast paced...but these feelings keep coming around. I find it crazy how I reflect at the most randomest of times.

I approach Paris, France after a long restless nap. I hop in an uber and it drives me to my apartment building. It's a bit shorter than the one in Spain. It's also a little nippy out here. I pull my jacket close to me. It's a lot different over here. I see people being a little conservative. People just start gazing upon me like they don't know me. I felt like a stranger instead of being warmly welcomed. I instantly began to miss Spain and the comfort of my dormitory there. I walk up the steps and started to check for my floor. 5....6...7...BAM. A familiar face slams into me. I grunt. The person snickers and shakes it off like a boss. It's my bro Max from my small 2-week internship in England.

"Max!" I say. "How's my favorite French Fry?"

"You idiot," Max cackles. We do our little handshake and give each other a hug. "What the hell are you doing in my homeland? You gonna finesse some more gals, I presume?"

I shrug. "Maybe. It's in my planner to at least spend some time with somebody's daughter."

"It's crazy. I remember how you picked up 3 girls in under 3 days. That's insane. No one can smooth talk in their 2nd language like that, Yves."

"Haha..." I recalled the crazy cat fight that those girls got into over me. Eventually, we settled that it was going to be an inevitable ending anyway because we were only there for a few weeks. My father told me simply "do not get into any trouble while you're in Europe". I didn't commit any crimes. Just broke a few hearts in my travels. I instantly remembered that I had to call him once I got settled in. "You know...when I left for Spain, girls still went crazy over me."

"As expected for my Yves. Look, I just took this beautiful girl out on a date," Max says. His smile is genuine and warm. "She is different. Now that I think about it, she's from Korea too."

"Korea?" I ask. "Hm. Where?"

"She just said she came from Seoul. You're from there too, right?"

"I went to high school there," I said.

"Well this girl's a vocal performance major and she's new here. I really want to get to know her, but she's so standoff-ish. Like, she's always quiet. I tried to get her to talk about herself, but she said that there wasn't much. She barely even touched her food and she asked me out to dinner, Yves! But, she was totally out of it. So pretty. I just dropped her off because she lives here with her roommate."

I nod. "Sounds interesting. Did you try anything I would do?"

"You know I'm more reserved than you are, champ," Max says. "I gotta go. I'll text you on the WhatsApp group chat."

We were still in that WhatsApp group chat from our internship. I barely text in it because I'm just..busy. I close the door behind me and call my father up. I want him to be happy so he could still support my dreams of being a photographer. I close my eyes as I hear the phone ring. Soon, he picks up. "Sooyoung?"

"Dad." I breathed through my nose.

"How are you?"

"Great. I made it to Paris."

"That's wonderful. I'll be sending you a new present by dawn."

"Present?"

"I know I regret buying you that Audi when you were in high school...so I bought you a more suitable car. I purchased a white Maybach 62 S for myself and got you a matching one. I know you can take care of that."

My mouth dropped. A Maybach? I almost choked on my spit. "D-dad...you shouldn't have!" 

"I am proud that my daughter is doing something for herself in Paris. I also arranged for us to meet at the Boutary on Wednesday. I want to talk with you about some important decisions that I'm taking with my company. You're my heiress, Sooyoung. You're soon to be in charge of the Creative division of Ha Industries, European sector, right here in France."

I widened my eyes. "In charge?"

"Director."

"Director?"

"Just repeat everything that I say." 

"Okay, dad." I laugh. "This is just overwhelming and I'm surprised..."

"Look, kiddo. I have to go tend to some more business, but I love you."

"Love you too."

I sit in my new bedroom, holding my phone against my chest. Director of Creative Division of Ha Industries, European Sector is...Yves Ha. I closed my eyes, laughing. This is all too insane. It felt like yesterday I just met my father at my grandmother's retirement party. He had promised to be in my life since I was 15 years old. He always claimed that he was indebted to me, but now...he wants a place in my life and he finally sees my potential. I smiled. Maybe this is a sign for a turnabout in my life? Maybe my life will get more crazy? I don't know.

All I know is right now, I have to work hard to stay in this position.


	7. vii.paris,france.

Jiwoo.

My classes were filled with applause and standing ovations that I didn't want to receive. I felt incredible waves of discomfort as soon as I walked into a class. All eyes were on me. The last student who got admitted...from a foreign country. Another thing is that I was the star student already. No one liked that. I had older women in my class who looked at me coldly when I had to harmonize with them. I had a lighter voice than most of my classmates. Teachers ate that up though. Once I got out of my class, Max was waiting up against a lamp post in their expensive backpack against their shoulder. They gave me a smile. I felt a little relaxed and at ease. They agreed to take me out for lunch at their mother's restaurant.

Their hands tried to weave into mine, but I shyed away. I'm still not open to trusting anyone. Romance seemed so simple for Max. But I wasn't in the mood for it. I wanted to be alone more than anything. Max made me feel nervous as their eyes remained on me the entire time. I never seen anyone this intense before. Max grabbed my hand assertively. "Pourquoi êtes-vous si effrayés de moi?" (why are you so frightened?) They looked at me with concern.

"Je ne suis pas habitué à ceci." (I'm not used to this.)

"Je suis désolé. Je suis d'habitude très direct." (I'm sorry I'm usually straightforward.)

I stepped back. "Attendez."

Max looks at me, confused.

I felt nervous. That was mostly why I was not sure on how to hold hands right now. I had to gather my thoughts together. Max wasn't Sooyoung. They were Max. They wanted to be good to me. They really wanted to get to know me. I took their hand and just went with the flow. Maybe this person could be the key to change. Maybe this person is it for me. We went to the restaurant and ate. I finally engaged in more conversation with Max. I told them about my life in general. How out of place I felt. How scared I was to be here. Their mother wasn't very responsive to my existence. Max excused it off as just something they didn't feel the need to discuss. I didn't want them to leave me just yet so, we went to their apartment which was a few mintues away from the school.

I was alone with them for the first time in a place. They turned on the news. "Je regarde les nouvelles." (I watch the news). They sat beside me on their sofa. Their apartment was filled with memorablia from the 1980s. There was a Bohemian Rhapsody poster hanging above their plants. A cat was snoozing on the carpet next to the flat screen television. Max raised their eyebrows at me. "Tu vas bien?"

"Oui." I turn my gaze to them entirely. Their hair was a warm color of brown. Their skin was slightly ghastly. Their eyes sparkled like green pools of emerald and they had their arm around my shoulder. They looked at me too. I felt my cheeks turning red. Max grinned at me and leaned in. It had only been a few days of me knowing them but I feel so attracted to them already. They kiss my lips gently, until they got more excited. They kindly asked to open the kiss and I allowed them to. They pulled me onto their lap and their hands held onto my sides. I felt like I was free finally. Free to make my own decisions. Finally I was into someone different and they were into me as well. Their phone began buzzing in their pocket.

"Ugh." Max takes their phone out of their pocket. "Shit. It's Yves." They flash me a seductive grin and pick up the call, holding their finger up to their lips that I had stained with my red lipstick. "Hey you. I'm kind of busy," they say in English.

I crawl to sit by their side on the couch. I listen in on their conversation.

"Yes. I'm with the girl....Oh. A party? At where?....Ah. Your father's banquet is here in Paris," they sound excited. "Sure. Well...Let me ask..." They take a good look at me and then says : "We're going to the party."

I didn't even say yes, but I didn't mind it at all. The time we were going was 7:30, so Max hurriedly drops me off at my apartment. They say that they will be back within an hour to come get me. Heejin is home in their slippers and sipping on a glass of juice, watching a film in French. I look at their computer and furrow my brow. "You don't even understand what they're saying."

"Shhh....Jody told me that this will give me all the information I need to be fluent."

"Who is Jody?"

"A classmate of mine. She's half Korean and half French. She said that her father forced her to watch this movie every day before they moved here."

I facepalmed and then went to the bathroom. "Well, Max and I are going out on a date tonight to some friend of their's banquet."

"Didn't I tell you I didn't like that Max fellow? And it's not because of who they are but....I can see them taking advantage of you. I have a good sense of character." Heejin walked into the bathroom. "Haseul-unnie told us that you can tell a lot about the person just by looking into their eyes.That Max isn't good news to me."

"Is it because they're a foreigner?" I ask. I frowned. I didn't see anything wrong with Max. They seemed like they genuinely wanted to get to know me as a person. They wanted me to break out of my shell. "Or is it because you like me?"

"Me? Like you?!" Heejin bursted out into laughter. "You already know where my heart lies..." Their expression changed. Of course I knew how they felt. They had a one-sided love for our friend Kim Hyunjin for the longest time. Immediately, they wanted to change the subject and I respected that. "But, I'm just saying. I think you ought to be careful with Max. I can see that person taking advantage of you already. Jiwoo, you're broken. And they're gonna eat that part of you up if you don't watch out..."

"I know Max. They won't do that."

"Or do you?" Heejin shrugged. "Do you want to borrow my dress?"

"Gladly," I reply sharply as I prepare to hop into the shower.


	8. viii.paris,france.

Yves.

I had been driving my new car for the past few days around France. Eventually, I had to pause the road races with my dad for the banquet of the new creative division in Europe for Ha Industries. We had been excited to start our direction for art directors and advocating to museum displays. He smiles proudly at me as I come out in a suit in his room at the Ritz Hotel. He pats my shoulders. "I'm so excited, Sooyoung."

My father and I never were that close, but we grew a deep respect for each other. As he noticed my love for photography, he finally accepted me for who I am as an artist. When I moved to Europe, he wanted me to be independent. And I proved to him that I could do a lot on my own with just a camera and good grades over these past few months. I trashed the portfolio idea as it was going to be done with a famous sleazy magazine. The photos were burning in his fireplace, though he didn't know it. All those girls' photos were wasted. But, hey. I had fun. It's time to have more fun. I didn't have a date because I was plotting on charming a stranger to my apartment. I checked the clock. It was time for us to go downstairs. I quickly slide into my loafers. "Dad, you know I'm Yves in Europe."

"You're Sooyoung. My Sooyoung," he says. He puts his arms around me. As cliche as it was, being a chaebol was very weird. My father had me out of wedlock with my mother. My mother did well for herself, me and my older sister. He fled to Taiwan and came back a few years later with a fortune. He was always rich, but now he had money. He was famous for his empire of entertainment and printing companies in Asia. Now, he expanded to Europe last year. I was by his side ever since he started his expansions. I became invested in the family business, though grandmother didn't recognize me or my sister. He put us on the family registry anyway. I am Ha Sooyoung. I am the director of arts in Europe, headquarters in France. He and I had become companions.

I looked at my father in a different lense. He never asked for pity or anything. He actually put forth efforts into our relationship. We became close friends in the end. So when I got to that podium and held my glass of champagne up. I looked at the crowd. All those faces looking back at me fueled my happiness. My father proudly announced me and I raised the glass into the air.

I noticed one face that stood out above the rest. Her eyes were looking at me with the same amount of shock. Her mouth was gaping open. Her hair was in two buns. We gave each other the same attention. Like we were the only two on the room. She held my gaze amongst the crowd with the most emotion. Between anger, longing, and confusion, her eyes were on my calm ones.

Kim Jiwoo. My first love. My only love. The girl I used to take on dates. The girl who stayed at my house when she got into fights with her brother. I snook through her window and kissed her lips for the first time. The girl who I said "I love you" to about a million times. I damn near lost my shit. 

"My daughter, Yves Ha is managing the arts part of the European sector of my company...."

She grabs onto Max and Max is looking up at me with a proud look on his face. I noticed how vulnerable Jiwoo looked. She looked like she desperately needed this person...like this person was her security guard. I felt like an evil villain. My heart fell to my feet and I can feel it beating heavily in the soles. As I walk over to the food tables, models greeted me with excitement. I grinned warmly at them all, but my eyes remained to Jiwoo. She was working hard to avoid my gaze. I can see her tightly holding onto Max's arm. I never seen her act this scared since high school. But, it was never this submissive. I muster up some courage and walk up to the couple. "Hey, Max..."

"Yo, man. I'm so proud of you!" Max says. "Ah...this is my treasure....Yves...meet Jiwoo Kim."

I grin at Jiwoo, trying to hide my shaking heart. "Pleased to meet you, Miss Kim."

She looks away and then plays with some fuzz on Max's sweater. I chuckle softly. But, then I got really jealous. This just dawned on me. Max was talking about getting to know Jiwoo. This Jiwoo. My Jiwoo. The one I loved so dearly through my youth. The one I let get away. Who let me get away. Max gives Jiwoo a dirty look and she tries to speak to me. She looks down at her shoes. "He-hi...Yves."

"Don't act like you don't know me," I try to laugh. But, my throat is closing down on my pride. My usual aloof personality now breaks down in front of her. I used to be so carefree. But this girl right here. The girl holding onto someone else's arm. "Max, Jiwoo and I went to high school together." I breathed in heavily and felt my chest tighten up. I still haven't let Jiwoo go.

"You never told me!" Max says, lightly pushing her shoulder. She frowned. "Small word, eh?" I hurt her so bad. I...should have never even left. 

All these regrets swarm to my heart and now I can hardly even process my emotions. "Too small," I utter under my breath. I can't take my eyes off of her. Jiwoo, indeed was different. From the lipstick to the hair. She carried herself like the world was on her shoulders. I looked at Max who was trying to get his control back. I immediately sensed something was off between them. Max excused them as him and Jiwoo went off somewhere. I followed, ditching my plate into a trash can. I heard my father call, but I ignored, trying to see what they were doing. I saw them in a corridor, Max's hands around Chuu's slender waist, pulling her close. I swallowed, my fists clenching.

I had to leave when I noticed his lips press against hers. I couldn't bare to watch the rest. I went back to the banquet, not bothering to associate for the rest of the night.


	9. ix.bobigny,france

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry I was so late with this update ._.  
> trigger warnings on this chapter though: violence, abuse.  
> also another thing, Max is genderfluid with they/he pronouns.

Jiwoo. 

I can't believe half of what happened last night. Max took me to breakfast today and wasn't that nice this morning. I guess it was my fault. Last night, I clinged onto Max for majority of the event. They were not too happy about that. Sooyoung...well "Yves" couldn't take her eyes off of me or Max last night. At her own party, she just gazed at me. She looked furious. Max just yelled at me for not looking pretty enough. I'm sure that wasn't the case. Knowing Sooyoung, she probably was going through a guilt trip. 

Max's grunts were starting to irritate me so I asked them what was wrong. "Vous ruiné le parti." (You ruined the party.) 

"How?" I asked, folding my hands. "Je n’étais pas confortable. Je ne suis pas bon avec les grands événements." (I wasn't comfortable. I'm not good with big events).

"Vous êtes une chanteuse. Vous devriez être." (You are a singer. You should be comfortable.) I huffed in frustration. I didn't know how to be confident anymore. The spark in me has left. Like the smile that used to live on my face. It just ran away. I felt empty inside. Max gripped my hands. I thought they were going to assure me. "Qui êtes-vous une attitude avec ?" Their eyes got dark (who are you getting an attitude with?). The sweet person that I met on the quad was gone in that split second. They slammed me down in front of everyone. Max didn't care. I flashed back to last night when they assured me that their punishments were purely out of blossoming love and seeing greatness that I should achieve in myself. They gripped me by the waist last night and pulled me into a corridor at the party. They told me though they want to fall in love with me. But, in order for them to do that, I have to "act right". 

I guess I disappointed them once again. They finally were done unleashing their wrath onto me. The people were still tending to their business. I was wondering to myself why didn't anyone notice this? Maybe I deserved this. I can't live up to my expectations. 

We got back to Paris on a silent ride back. They took me home and tried to kiss my lips that they punched. I looked away, but they gripped me by my chin. "Je suis désolé." Their light colored eyes looked apologetic. I felt sad. I grabbed them by the sleeve. I wanted to kiss them so badly. I didn't know how to handle this though. I wanted to cry at the same time because I should know better. But, Max saw something in me. And that made me believe I was actually worth something. No one had actually tried to enforce my potential until now. We kissed and then they unlocked the door for me. Heejin raised from their desk and cursed in Korean. 

"Hey yourself," Max waved in English. A small cocky smile was on their lips. "I'll be seeing you." I didn't want them to leave just yet. I wanted the sweet Max to hold and cradle me. Tell me that I'm beautiful, while stroking my hair. I want that Max. The Max looking at me right now. 

Max closes the door after handing me my keys. Heejin placed her hands on her hips, angrily staring at me. I thought she was going to yell, but in a calm voice she quietly asks, "what the hell happened to your face?" 

I swallowed. If I told Heejin anything that happened, she would just scoff. I tried to poke my brain for some silly answer. The one that popped out was "I ran into a pole".

"A pole crafted from the flesh of a human fist?" Heejin snapped. "Don't fucking lie to me, Jiwoo." 

"I swear. It was nothing. " I went to the bathroom. Heejin followed me into the bathroom. She told me to sit down on the toilet seat. She pulled out some medicine and a few stitches. For a botany student, she was clearly invested into her first love's field: medicine. Heejin tsked as they worked. I winced as they sewn my lip. Was it that bad? I barely felt the blows to my face. 

"I was so prepared. I knew that bastard was going to make you their little stomping ground."

"They didn't do anything. It was me." 

"Kim Jiwoo, shut up." Heejin cut the string and inspected my lips. "Thank goodness she didn't give you anything to really ruin your face. If she gave you a black eye, I would kill her. I want to kill her now." 

"Her is a they, Heejin," I remind her. "Don't be disrespectful." 

Heejin rolled her eyes and went back to her desk. I went to my bedroom, looking at my phone waiting for a text. There was nothing. My stomach growled in hunger, since I didn't get the chance to finish my breakfast. I didn't feel hungry, but I knew I had to eat. I forced myself out of my room to go to a store to at least get some strawberry milk. Outside my door was a familiar dark-haired girl who was unloading her bags across from me. Oh hell no. I ran downstairs really quickly until I heard a loud call towards me. "JIWOO!" 

I turned my head, though I really didn't want to. Sooyoung flashed a smile at me. I furrowed my brow. How could they look so mature? They didn't look the same at all. Her voice had also changed. Went down an octave since high school. There was that cute little smirk on her lips. I felt my cheeks go warm. I didn't respond vocally. I just nodded my head. 

"We're neighbors." Sooyoung ran her fingers through her long hair. My breath hitched. I didn't like this at all. "Hey....what happened to your lip?" 

"Cut it off a bottle," I lied. 

Sooyoung shrugged. "Hey. Anything can happen in Europe. The alcohol here is wonderful." 

I nod. I didn't know how to respond. Sooyoung looked at me with a little bit of concen though. 

"Just be careful out here, okay? There's not a lot of good people around here. I know it's scary now, but you'll find those people you can trust. You got Max. Max is good people." She looks like she wants to choke up, but she didn't. She just waved. "Come by sometime..."

I walk down and just ignored their existence. I could have sworn I heard a sniffle once I reached the second landing. I tried to peer up at Sooyoung but I heard the door slam. 


	10. x.paris,france.

Yves. 

Seeing her broke me down in ways I could not explain. I never felt this way in a long time. I felt vulnerable. I felt soft. It was the first time in a while that I slept alone. I never recalled what that felt like. The bed was cold on the other side too. I reached for the pillow to pull it beside me. I was going to skip out on my first day of photography school. My job was going to interfere so I might as well just drop out. Maybe I'll go get breakfast. My stomach growled angrily, so  I raised up out of bed. I went to the bathroom and ran a cold shower. I needed to get rid of this burning feeling in my chest. 

I knew I was apt to get sick so I pulled on as many layers as possible. It was a little chilly outside. It was close to the end of October. I didn't miss Spain that much anymore. I was so focused on my life here now. Mainly because of Jiwoo's living so close to me. I pulled the door close and I saw her, locking her own door. She looks up at me and then looks away, quickly going down the steps. I sighed heavily went down the steps, quicker than her to open the door for her. She looks at me and bows at me curtly. I grab her by the arm. She looks at me as if I was crazy. She quickly smacks my hand away, but I'm stronger. 

"Why are you acting like this?" I ask, my voice shaking.

"Jiwoo!"

Max is there, in his hoodie, tattoo revealed beneath their jawline, eyes glassy and furious. I quickly let go. "Sorry, man." 

Max pulls Jiwoo roughly. I furrow my brow. I never took him as the aggressive type. Jiwoo looks safe and secure unlike worried and unsure like she was with me. He puts his arm around her waist. "She's mine. Don't you dare touch her." They walk away. I watch them. Something told me to go follow them. But, my feet stood planted on the ground. I bit my lip and felt my body finally move. It was like I had no control. Max was talking to Jiwoo in French so I couldn't quite grasp what they were saying. Their conversation was brisk and assertive. But, Jiwoo had snapped on Max and they turned down an alley. I couldn't stop walking, until I felt a hand reach the back of my hood. 

"Ha Sooyoung!" a familiar voice hissed. 

"Hee-He-Heejin," I choked out. Jeon Heejin was standing right in front of me for the first time in a long time. She looked the exact same way she did back in high school. The only difference was that she wasn't wearing her school uniform and regular street clothing. She smiled a little and ran her hand through her hair. "What are you doing here?" 

"Same thing I should ask to you." 

"I work here...and attend school here," I reply. 

"Oh great." Heejin grinned. "I go to school here too." 

"Ha...where?"

"I'm doing classing at Sarclay for a few more weeks then I'm back to Korea. Jiwoo is here too, she's staying for a few years. She's currently looking to move in with her...uh...partner. " Heejin looked irritated at the sound of the word. It seemed to me that Heejin knew something wasn't cool with Max. But, I was on my way to investigate. I didn't sense it before. Maybe Max isn't as good as I thought he was for Jiwoo. I tried to see what was going on in the alley, but I saw them walking off, they looking calm, but only from the back. 

"Partner?" 

"She's seeing someone," Heejin said, srunching up her nose. "But...that's really none of your business anymore." 

That shot my heart. I cackle, trying to push it off. "You're right. I was quite the dick." 

Heejin pats my shoulder. "You were alright in my eyes until you broke her heart." 

"I didn't mean to...but-" 

"Shit. I'm going to be late," Heejin huffs. "Well, I guess I'll see you around, eh?" She walks off. I sighed as I walked into the breakfast shop to get a sandwich.

As I walk out, I get a call from my father's assistant Davi. "Hello?" 

"Your father is sick right now and a meeting is going on. Can you cover for him in say....30 minutes tops?" 

I felt my breath hitch. I didn't even pick up a cup of coffee. How the hell could I be prepared for a meeting in front of snooty male dominated executives who could talk circles above my head? I tried to remember where this was in my contract? By the way, none of that was stated in my contract. I laughed nonchalantly. "I mean...as long as it's my presence and me not speaking-" 

"You have to talk for a brief 10 minutes to input Mr. Ha's ideas. He's left you a packet of what his topics are and everything. Of course, I'll help you in the best way that I can." 

I giggled nervously. "Davi..." 

"I'm sorry, young miss." 

"What did I tell you about using honorifics?" 

"I mean...Yves." 

"Thank you. I'll be sure to dress professionally and be there...'30 minutes tops'." I hang up and dash off to my apartment. I slip on some slacks, button down white shirt. I tied my tye around my neck and slipped on a blazer. I ran to the quickest train to downtown as possible. Davi sent me the address of the meeting. By the time I got there, the meeting was out for recess, chattering about women and wine investments they made with Italy and Spain. I walk into the meeting room and see Davi with his hair pulled up into a man bun. He whips his head to see me. "Yves!" 

"Hey." I give him a kiss on the cheek. "So what's up." 

The details drawled on my father's newest museum donations and how he was planning to start an arts foundation that I was to be head of. Also, that Ha Industries are starting up art schools around the world and that I was to be president of how everything was handled here in Europe until further notice. Davi grinned. "I guess he made this a surprise for you." 

I grinned a little. Slightly overhwlemed though. I didn't have a lot of experience. Just a vision. "I find it sudden. I didn't know this was all that was taking place." 

Turns out this meeting was the team greeting me and welcoming me aboard to Ha Industries. I was an important person. I was handed a cup of brewed coffee that was made for my liking. My internship days were most likely over. But, my mind kept fluttering to what happened this morning. Yes, life is being too good to me right now. Maybe this is the parade before the storm? The beauty before the hurricane? I don't know...I just feel scared for what's about to happen next.


	11. xi.paris,france.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings for this chapter: abuse

Jiwoo.

I waited for Max outside of the Admissions Building since they were helping the head of admissions deal with a heavy amount of transfers. I was holding onto the bag of take-out that I recently got for us for dinner. I hope they like it. I sat outside on the bench, playing around with outfits on Zepeto until I heard the door click. It was just another student. I sighed heavily as a few notifications buzzed in my pocket. None of them were Max. I found my eyes closing and then I was shaken awake. 

"Jiwoo!" 

Max was smiling at me, smelling like some type of cheap perfume. I never wore that. I scrunched my nose as they embraced me into their arms. "Es-tu prêt?" (are you ready?)they ask me, their eyes shining brightly. I guess Max was trying something new. But, I really hated the smell of this cheap perfume. 

"Oui." I didn't want to anger them. We got on our way to the train. I never stayed slept in the same bed as someone since Yves and I broke up. I wonder if it would feel the same. I wonder how it would feel to sleep with Max. They were always touchy, I wonder what we would do when we got back. Tonight was our trial run. I was staying over so that Heejin could study for their test, also because I wanted to spend time with Max. I also couldn't bare to look at Sooyoung (or Yves) in the eye. I wasn't in the mood. 

We got inside and their apartment strongly smelled of alcohol and some foul stench. They sat my bag next to their cactus and slid off their shoes. I took off my own, setting the bag of food on the table. Max grins at me. "Tu m'as acheté le dîner?" 

"Mmm." I sat beside them on the couch. They turned on the television and the news was on. I immediately got bored. They took the food out the bag and furrowed their brow. I got worried. They looked at me and grin. "What's wrong?"

"Je n'aime pas cette nourriture." Max threw it in the trash immediately. They didn't like the food. I got upset. I spent a good deal of the money I had on that meal. I didn't bother to search for a job here because I was loaded for a good year. But, I was harping on saving my money. I kept my mouth shut as I focused on my plate. Max made their own dinner, that was a sad little sandwich. They sat beside me. "Comment était la classe?" (how was class?)

"Eh." I recalled I finally made a friend today. Her name was Willete and she was a foreign exchange student from the United States. "Je me suis fait un ami." (I made a friend).

"Un ami?" Max smiles. There's  mon amoureux (my lover). "Qui est cet 'ami'?" (who is this friend?).

"Willete." I finish up my dinner. "Des États-Unis. Elle est dans ma classe de français." (From the United States. She is in my french class)

Max raises their eyebrows and dabs their mouth with a napkin. "Intéressant. Je veux la rencontrer." (Interesting. I want to meet her.)

I laid on Max's lap and they stroked my hair, looking down on me. I smiled up at them. Immediately, they pulled me onto their lap and wrapped their arms around my waist, per usual. I tilted my head, curious as to what was going to happen. They lifted me up and we were going to the bedroom. I giggle as they lay me on their bed. I noticed a lot of bottles of alcohol and an ashtray was there. I didn't know that Max smoked. They hovered over me. I pull them close to me. "Je t'aime, Max." (I love you, Max). 

Though it was only a short while, Max made me love them so much. I couldn't see a life without having Max by my side. They were giving me a home to call my own. They made me feel appreciated. I felt something for the first time in a while. Nothing felt comparable to the way they held and touched me. They were my everything. I known from the moment I laid eyes on them and they always told me how much they adored me. 

Max kisses my neck. "Je t'aime plus que moi-même." (I love you more than myself.) We started kissing. This felt so right. I didn't know what right was right now. I couldn't quite digest that thought as I didn't know what this encompassed. As they kept showing how much they adored me, I felt pain inflicted on me. I also felt pleasure but the pain outweighed the pleasure. And once I woke up in the morning, I saw passion marks all over my body. 

Max was fast asleep. I went to their dresser to see what they had on there. There was cigarettes and alcohol bottles on there. There was also a piece of lingerie. I know I don't wear it. I turn to see Max rubbing their eyes. They saw me and then literally jumped up from the bed and tackled me to the ground. They began hitting me in the face. "Pourquoi regardez-vous à travers mes affaires? C'est à moi!" (Why are you looking through my things? Those are mine!)

I was on my knees now. "S'il vous plaît, pardonnez-moi. Je voulais juste voir-" (Please forgive me. I just wanted to see-)

They slammed me across my lips. Tears welled up in my eyes. They gripped my throat and I was gasping for air. "Sois une bonne fille pour moi." (Be a good girl for me). I nod my head. "Si nous vivons ensemble, vous ne pouvez pas regarder mes affaires." (If we're going to live together, you can't look through my things.) I nodded again, obediantly. They lead me to the bathroom and dab my eye with a rag. "Tsk. Look at what you make me do," Max drawls in English. "Si vous étiez une bonne fille, nous ne passerions pas par là." (If you were a good girl, we wouldn't be going through this). They take a good look at me before going to the kitchen and returning with an ice pack. I didn't know what to do. I felt scared of Max now, but their attitude just changes and then...

They kiss my forehead. "I sorry," they say to me. "Fais-moi mon petit-déjeuner, chérie." (Make me my breakfast, honey). 

I go to the kitchen and felt tears pour from my eyes. I felt my body heavy with fear and uncertainty. I felt myself crack eggs, but then my vision was slightly blurry. I wanted to see myself in a mirror. I checked my face in the reflection of a silver pot in Max's cabinet. I had a black eye and my cheek was bruised. I felt myself tremble. What am I even doing? I turn to see Max reading a newspaper and sipping on a glass of something brown. "M-m...mon cher..." 

"Mm?" 

"Et si je reste à l'appartement après le départ de Heejin?" (What if I stayed in the apartment after Heejin leaves?)

Max sat down the glass and puts down the newspaper. "Comment allez-vous payer pour cela?" (How will you pay for it?)

"Argent de ma famille." (Money from my family).

"Tu ne veux pas être avec moi?" (You don't want to be with me?) Max frowned. They guzzled down their alcohol and rolled their shoulders. "Mais je t'aime." (But I love you). I felt Max's eyes look at me from the back of my head. I didn't want them to be angered any more. I just wanted them to be pleased with me just once. 

I didn't know what else to say. I watched the food cook, trying to catch a breather. I felt something hit the back of my head and then I felt blood pour. I grunted in pain as Max gripped my neck. "Si tu me laisses," Max hissed in my ear. "je jure sur mon père, je vais te tuer." (If you leave me, I swear on my father I will kill you). Then I watched as they walked away, as I laid helpless on the ground. 


	12. Chapter 12

Yves. 

The meeting was cut short as my father had gotten better in the hospital. We went out for lunch together with his new girlfriend Stacey Kang. I wasn't used to the thought of my dad dating. He had me and my sister out of wedlock, not claiming either of us. I was the one who forgave him since I barely had memories of him. In high school, he was the one who I came out to first. I still remember it like it was yesterday. 

I was in year 11. I had been dating Jiwoo for a year. I invited her over to the Ha Manor up in Seoul, since I moved in with him during holiday breaks. My mother urged me and my father to have some sort of transient situation since money was too tight at the moment. We were talking in the dining room about an argument she had with her brother about something, I forgot. My father comes in and analyzes our dynamic too well. I don't know why. I used to think of my father as a man that lacked morals until we actually talked after I graduated. But, the moment he talked to me in his study about how he accepted me for who I am back then, I was stunned. With that, however, he did favor Jiwoo as she was more intelligent and more together than I was. 

Meeting Stacey Kang, I didn't expect her to look like a spitting image of my mother. They resembled a lot in the eyes, but it stopped there. I knew that Stacey was possibly mixed. My father introduced us. He looked at her with a sparkle in his eyes. I immediately understood him: he needed to be with someone who had as much wealth as him to please the family. Plus, my mother let him go as soon as I was born. It's crazy how life is. I hope I don't end up trying to find a love who resembles the one that got away. My father really could have married whoever he pleased at this point, considering he placed our family in the trillions mark for net worth (billions in euros, possibly). He made Ha Industries a worldwide company that invested in all types of things. 

My father was more chipper than usual. "So, when are you going to introduce us to a daughter-in-law?" 

I coughed on my mimosa. "P-p-pardon?" 

"You're what...21? Are you dating anyone? Or are you still sleeping around?" 

Of course the man knew I was a player. I smiled scratching my head. "You're gonna sit there and expose me in front of your girlfriend like that?" 

"That doesn't mean a damn thing. I want to meet your girlfriend." 

"You know, pops. I'm just weighing my options right now," I say. He saw right through me on that one. Then I shrugged. I really don't know what I'm doing with my love life. I haven't slept with anybody since I seen Jiwoo. It's been a good while. I sleep alone and it's a lot more peaceful. No more girls hitting up my phone at night. Some do, I just ignore them. 

"Well, if you don't have anyone by next year, there is a certain measure that you can take." Dad folds his hands atop the table before his clean plate that he knocked off a filet mignon on. "You know that entertainment Lip Entertainment? Well, they want to combine our powers and offered up a marital agreement. I didn't quite like the idea, but it's on the table. Didn't Kim Jung Eun attend your school?" 

Kim Jung Eun? The Kim Jung Eun? Idol Kim Jung Eun? The dancer and flexible one? The girl who's still currently dating Jinsoul, Jung Eun. Jinsoul is my very best friend. I would never do that to Jinsoul. I don't recall them breaking up. I reach into my pocket and shoot Jindolie a text. I don't know what time it is in Korea (or Japan. She goes between both). "I don't think I can actually do that. That would ruin Jung Eun's image. Plus, right now...I don't know if I can do that." 

"Do we need to have a father-daughter talk?" he asked, concern ringing in his voice. He looked worried. 

I shook my head. "I feel like it's no use in crying over spoiled milk, dad." 

"We can talk later," he says. We get the bill. I wave them off as they pull off away from the restaurant. I unlock my car and sit in it. Before turning my key in the ignition, I think to myself. I think it's wrong to actually get involved with my best friend's current (or ex) girlfriend. It doesn't matter the situation. I soon get a text from Jinsoul that read: hey i'm in paris w/yerim 0.0 let's schedule a meetup.

I didn't know who this  Yerim was but I just said okay. I noticed that Heejin's number was still in my phone. Maybe she'd be glad to see someone from our hometown too. I called her on the phone and she answered. "Hello?" 

"Yeah. Uh...Heejin, it's me. I'm going out with Jinsoul. I was wondering if you wanted to come?"

After a long beep of silence, Heejin said: "Sure." 

"Great. Send me your address and I'll be there soon." 

"Cool. Uh...you mind if Jiwoo came?" 

"Sure. Why not?" I absent-mindedly said. 

"Great." 

Then, there was a click. I saw that the address was literally my apartment's address. I input it in my GPS, since I still don't know France as well as I know Spain. I swallowed. Heejin and Jiwoo were roommates together. Jiwoo was thinking about moving in with Max, her partner. Heejin doesn't seem fond of Max. Max seems aggressive with Jiwoo. I like Jiwoo. My thoughts were running wild. As soon as I pull up, I see Jiwoo and Max together yelling at each other. I unbuckle out the car and slam my own door. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" I yell in English. 

"You stay out of this, Sooyoung!" Jiwoo yells at me in Korean. 

Max held his hands up in the air, shouting something in French. Jiwoo sighs and relaxes. I knew something wasn't right. Heejin came downstairs, glaring at the both of them. I got the bigger picture now. Her expression softens when she looks at me though. "Hey. You ready?"

Max sighs and looks at Jiwoo. They exchange a few words. Then, Jiwoo looks at me. "Max wants to come. Can he come?" 

I winced. I used to really like Max, but now I'm not quite sure. But, Jiwoo's eyes are pleading me. As if this was the only way she can actually come with us. This wasn't a question, it was a demand. Max was looking at me blankly. I nod and then go to the driver's seat. Heejin sits up front and the merry couple climbs in the back. 

Well, this is going to be one hell of a car ride and evening. 


	13. xiii:paris,france.

Jiwoo. 

I never expected to be in a car with my ex girlfriend and current romantic partner. It felt strange. Max had their hand tightly gripping my thigh. We were together in the backseat and Heejin and Sooyoung was in the front. I wondered how Sooyoung's father even got his rambunctious daughter a new car. Let alone, something as luxurious as this. When Sooyoung got her first car, she crashed it. She came to school that day in her father's luxury SUV with a very upset look on her face. But, I guess she earned this car with her new position in his company. It still smelled new. 

Max didn't bother to speak French for the car ride since they deemed it "disrespectul to use other languages that the other doesn't understand in front of people". Max also seemed eager to be good on this car ride. I guess it was because they were in front of company. I might as well do the same and keep myself tight-lipped. But, I couldn't help but look at the way Sooyoung's hands were on the wheel. Her side profile. She looked like the same girl I fell in love with 3 years ago. All through high school, I was with her. But, I really wondered where we went wrong. And how I ended up in someone else's arms if we were something quite like fate.

Max noticed me looking and they tilted my chin towards their direction. "What you looking at?" 

"N-n.."I didn't even bother to respond. "Just looking around." 

I saw Sooyoung's eyes shift towards us in the mirror out of the corner of my eye. Max placed their arms around me. For the rest of the car ride there was hostility. Once we got out of the car, the restaurant we were to meet Jinsoul at was bumping and rich. It smelled like wealthy people and elegant food. Max had wondering eyes at every woman that passed and the women looked back too. 

"Welcome to Parisian-Spaniard Esquina, a restaurant my father had opened up recently," Sooyoung proudly says in English. 

"What is your father?" Max asks. "Some rich chef or something?" 

"I told you. He's from Ha Industries," Sooyoung said curtly. She was looking at Max a little too coldly. I automatically clung to Max out of security and trying to protect them. But Sooyoung wasn't even bothering to attack. Her eyes were threatening enough. 

"I knew that," Max chuckled. They looked around. "Nice digs." 

Heejin tsked and then looked around. "Did you give the girls the address?" 

"Yeah. They should be here soon. I'll get the hostess." Sooyoung retreated somewhere. Max slipped their fingers into mine. I grinned at them warmly. 

"Tu vas aimer mes amis." (You'll like my friends). I kissed them on the lips right in front of Heejin to show that we were happy right now. She seemed unphased, playing on her phone. 

"J'en doute. Je n'aime pas ces amis." (I doubt it. I don't like these friends). Max's eyes followed some woman down the hall. I felt jealous and I grabbed their face. They still looked bored. "Quand partons-nous, ma fille?" (When are we leaving, girl?)

"When we're done eating," I reply as Sooyoung returns back with the hostess. The hostess is looking at Sooyoung with a little too excitedly. I wondered what Sooyoung said to her exactly. She was quite the charmer, after all.

We get seated at a table with a good view of the Eiffel Tower. The sun was setting on the horizon. It looked beautiful. We all ordered beverages. Max was avoiding alcohol tonight and I was grateful for that. Max placed a napkin on my lap and on their own as well. I never seen them act this courteous in a long time. I felt happy. I tried to display this happiness to Sooyoung to show her I moved on to better things, but she was talking to Heejin about how Jinsoul was in high school and I think something about Hyunjin studying in Japan. 

Jinsoul entered the restaurant with Choi Yerim. Everyone was freaking out. I didn't blame them: Jinsoul was dating the Kim Jung Eun. Or at least from what I recalled. They sat at the table. I gave Yerim a hug. I was a bit shocked that she was with Jinsoul because she was still in high school. Jinsoul said that Yerim was her mentee in arts. 

We ordered food and everything felt like a blur right now. My friends and ex were talking in Korean about stuff, but Max was eating and it seemed as though this was my entire world right now. I felt like I had no identity in this. Max gawked at me whenever I spoke Korean with the girls. It was as if he was disgusted. Jinsoul tried to get Max involved in conversation but Heejin shot a glance that they would discuss this later. More than anything, I just wanted to go home with Max. "You ready to go?" I ask Max. They look at me and shrug. 

My friends look at me with confused and puzzled looks on their faces. Much to my surprise, Sooyoung speaks to me. "Already?" She looked between Max and I. "I'll drive you home if you're ready." Sooyoung stands up. I didn't want her to take us home. I shook my head, pleading them not to. Max smiled, though. 

"Alright, bet. This party blows anyway," Max says. "Thanks for having me." She bows slightly and then we all go out into the parking lot. Sooyoung opens the passenger doors for us, chaffeur-styled. I just felt like this was too weird to be true. We climbed into the back. Sooyoung fixes the mirror so she could have her eyes on the both of us. Max didn't seem to be paying attention. They were planting their lips on my neck. Shockingly, tonight was quite tame. But the car ride was silent as Max tried to seduce me. But I felt unhappy that I couldn't really talk with my friends. 

When we got to Max's apartment, I watched Sooyoung pull off without looking back at me. I sort of felt empty but as soon as Max took me to their apartment, we began fighting again. 

This time I actually fought back because I was angry. I felt sad because I couldn't speak with my friends. All because I wanted to please this person. They were always disappointed for some reason. They soon reached for my purse and got my phone out of it. "Je ne veux pas que tu aies des amis." (I don't want you having friends). Soon they began smashing my phone with a hammer. I was screaming as they did it. Max kept telling me to shut up but I wouldn't. My screams got worse and worse and pretty soon, they unbuckled their belt and began whipping my arms and face with it. 

"Tu es tellement moche quand tu pleures." (You're so ugly when you cry) Max gritted their teeth as they finished unleashing their wrath. They just left me on the couch. I heard the bedroom door slam and then hard rock music explode through the walls. Tears poured down my face. I didn't know what to do. I was terrified. I held one of the cushion pillows close as I cried in silence, my arms covered in scars and possibly my face too. 

I wish I knew how to fight back. 


	14. xiv.paris,france.

Jiwoo. 

I woke up the next morning with a massive headache and a blanket over me.  I had to go. I had to. That was the first thing on my mind. I crept to see if Max was still there. Good, they were knocked out cold. I ran to the door and silently closed it behind me. My heart was pounding in my ears and my blood was running cold. I hopped on the nearest bus and noticed that I didn't have my phone. But, honestly I forgot that Max smashed it to pieces last night. I couldn't bare another second in that apartment. If I did, it would have been a miracle. Unfortunately, I didn't have any money to get another bus back home. So, I settled on walking the rest of the way. 

My body was sore. My heart hurts so much. I felt like I wanted to cry. But, I couldn't bare to do that in public. Honestly. out of all the things that has happened to me with Max, I probably deserved those hits. But, I ran away. I could have stayed but I didn't. I recognized that I didn't even have my keys to get inside my apartment. I banged on the door with my knuckles that had dry blood on them. Did Max really do that to me? 

I heard chatter. It was more than just Heejin in there. God, I feel so embarassed. The door opened and it wasn't the person who I wanted to see. Sooyoung's eyes were wide open when she saw me. I guess she was astounded by the marks on my face and arms. I immediately rolled my eyes and tried to push past her. Jinsoul and Yerim were here as well. Heejin was making breakfast. When she turned her head to see me, she almost dropped her spatula. "Holy hell." 

"What happened?" Jinsoul asked.

"Don't give us a damn lie, please." Heejin placed her hands on her hips. She looked so irritated. 

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I looked down at my hands that were basically scarred and bloody. I needed to go to the bathroom and wash this off. "Nothing happened..." was all that I managed to whisper. 

Sooyoung grunted in anger. "I'm going to kill Max." I didn't want her to do that. Max was my partner, she wasn't. What even made her say that when we weren't even together? She had her fists clenched together and she looked like she was ready to cry. Heejin sighed heavily. "Can I please have a moment with Jiwoo?" Heejin nodded in agreement and her and the girls went to her room. My heart shook in frustration. How did Heejin even allow Sooyoung into our home? Sooyoung, out of all people? She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I really blame myself for this to be honest. If I didn't fuck up when you graduated, we wouldn't even be going through this situation." 

I rolled my eyes. "Can I please...jus-" 

"No. Let me speak. Because I didn't even have a chance to back then. You pushed me away, Jiwoo. You keep pushing me away. And now, I see that you need someone. Heejin's leaving soon. What the hell are you gonna do when she does?" 

I shrug. "I'll just live with Max, that was my pla-" 

"No you aren't living with that son of a bitch." 

I gasped. I never seen Sooyoung so angry before. She looked at me with passion in her eyes, but I really didn't want to succumb to this feeling. Those pretty eyes that I fell in love with when I was a freshman. Sooyoung licked her lips. She didn't bother to try and touch me. She looked as if she was going to reach out to me. But, she restrained herself. "I can't let you do that." 

"And what are you to me, Sooyoung? You walked away." 

"You were the one who pushed me away, Jiwoo. I wanted us to be together. If your family kicked you out, I could have financially provided for you. I wanted to stop playing as if we were just best friends-" 

"Now, it's time for me to cut you off. Heejin and I lived together just fine. And you messed everything up for me-" 

"Jiwoo, you've pushed everything away. What we had. What could have been! There hasn't been a single night I haven't thought about you! I lived a lie for too long. I...packed my things and lost myself for awhile. And now we're back in each other's faces, literally. And you put the blame on me? Jiwoo," Sooyoung huffs. She shook her head. Part of me wanted to smack her, the other half was in dissonance. "Heejin told me everything that has happened since I left for Europe. From the nights you two shared a room to the point you started dating that fickle idiot. You know Max has been sleeping around? Max isn't who you think he is!" That was it right there. Heejin basically sold me out to the person who didn't need to hear everything. 

How dare she say that? Like, hell she doesn't know Max. I nibbled on my bottom lip, recalling the things I seen at the apartment from the underwear to the cigarettes they never smoked. I didn't want to believe it. Max, the one who walked me through the quad when I was lost. The one who took me out to eat. The one who promised me a space to have. The one who believed in me. Max...the different smell of feminine perfume on their collar when they stepped out the dormitories. "Max loves me and you obviously don't know them." 

"I've known that person longer than you. You've only known him for a few months. You call that love?" 

"Well, I heard about you too, Miss 'Yves'." I felt anger fuel me. "Max told me how you were a playgirl! Like you're any better? How so? Max really cherishes me and....they hit me because they want me to be a good girl. They know my true potential-" 

"Jiwoo, listen to yourself please. You....you have that already. You have everything going. You have been singing since forever. Your voice is beautiful enough! Why are you letting someone hit you....I never hit you...your mom never hit you...." 

"What did you expect? Me to fall back in your arms after your little speech?" I felt tightness in my chest. Sooyoung was looking very sad. Pity was in their eyes. I hated it. Every ounce of it. "I don't know who you think you are, but we aren't like that anymore. You and I...we're done. We have been done..." 

Sooyoung shook her head. "No we're not. Cause you know everything that I said was true." She stood close to me. I could practically smell her minty breath and see all the flaws on her face. She smiled at me. I felt weak and my cheeks flush. "And I know that deep down you know that you still love me." 


	15. xv,roissy-en-france,france.

Yves. 

I would protect Jiwoo if I could. I swore this in my head multiple times. I was to watch my father leave back for his beautiful home back in Seoul today. This was what had to happen in my head. My father, my business partner. I recently dropped out of my university since I'd be working full time basically by next week. I saw him in the sea full of people, in his casual airport fashion, Stacey on his arm. I wonder what would have happened if my parents had stayed together. Would I be the way that I am? Would I be able to love properly? I learned the feeling of it when I finally got to know my father. How broken-hearted he was in letting her go. And the cycle came through when I let Jiwoo go as well. I knew what I had to do to make her stay, but I didn't. 

My father's eyes twinkled the same way they did when I saw pictures of them together. They were never married because his family forbade it. My mother was a country girl, my father was a city man. They saw her as backwards. He came to the country to work. He met my mother and they were dating in secret. They produced two kids. My father was around for my older sister for the wee years of her life and then left after my birth. My mother was painstricken and prided herself in being a single parent. But, what I didn't know was how hard he truly fought for us. He really wanted things to work out, but he couldn't come back. He finally was able to connect with me in high school when he stopped chasing my mother. I truly wondered if I would meet someone who could love me who looked similar to Jiwoo. All the women I was involved with never amounted to Jiwoo's beauty. Not even Bella. I haven't even thought of her ever since I laid eyes on the original thief of my heart. That little girl who peered behind books trying to get my attention. That girl I kissed behind bushes and held her close. I really should have-

"Well, we'll be leaving within an hour. What are you planning to do with the direction of the company right now?" my father shook me from my thoughts with his words. "And are you thinking about our choice?" 

"Choice about what?" 

"Getting married?" 

I huffed an angry sigh. I obviously wasn't going to marry Kim Jung Eun since Jinsoul perfectly stated that she wasn't over her just yet after their messy break up scandal. Jung Eun was accused of cheating with some guy and their managements had separated the pair for a while for publicity. I wasn't going to put my business into their mess. "I'll get back to you on it. Is there a time or something?" 

"Maybe around the next year or so...same time next year." 

It was the end of November. The air in France wasn't as balmy as it was in Spain. I missed it. The Mediterannean sea was much closer and the sunsets were pretty to look at. "I can guarantee that I'll have someone by that time, rather than a ring on a finger." 

My father placed his hands on my shoulders. "I just want you to be happy and solidify your place within Ha Industries. And you're secured to fall in love with whomever you want to be with. I built this company so my children...well..."he paused because he knew my sister wanted nothing to do with him. "I wanted my children to have a better future. Whether it be with my company or...just something positive to do with their lives. I want them to have jurisdiction. But with this choice to help me run my company, you have to repay the debts that the public eye wants to see. And I feel like something is in the air for you." Of course, dad. Bring in the philosophy you've been indulging in your studies. "I feel like marriage will gift you with the things you need. I just want you to settle down and stop playing around with people." 

I knew it was time to stop. I'm approaching 20-something. I'm over 21. I have to grow out of that stage. It's time to actually focus on my career...and maybe finding the matriarch of my own empire. As I wave them off, I just sit in my car. I had a meeting to attend, but I knew I didn't want to go. I thought to speak to Heejin to see if she wanted to skip class and go get some food. She must be in class or something. I shot her a text and she replied really quickly: "sure." But she wasn't finished texting so I stayed idle in my car before turning on the ignition. "max came for jiwoo and im worried." 

I bit my lip. Max came back for Jiwoo? My thoughts play a little scene where I opened the door and saw her face. It was bruised. Embarassment and shame all over her face. She didn't want me to see her in that way. She wanted me to see her happy and joyous. She wanted to be petty and flash off her new lover. And how her new lover saw things in her that I never did. I saw the world in Jiwoo. I saw...more than just a girl from South Korea. I called up Heejin on the phone. "Change of plans. I have something to do. I'll be there by an hour." 

Before I knew it, my car was just driving to Max's apartment. I felt blind with rage. My heart throbbing in my ears. I lock the door and banged on the door. I tried to call Heejin and asked if Jiwoo had a phone number. She didn't. Her phone was off. Apparently, shattered to pieces. I opened the doors to the apartment, yelling out Max and Jiwoo's name. People were groaning and yelling at me. This old woman touches my arm and I turn in confusion. She speaks to me in French and I furrow my brow. I didn't understand. 

She rephrases it into English. "You looking for Maxine and her girlfriend?" I'm guessing she knew Max as a female. I nod.  The woman looked sad now. She must have known more things than Heejin. "Maxine hit girl a lot. I not know where they are but..."she sighs. "Sorry. I not from France and I not know French or English. But... I move here and Max was nice young lady. She teach me language. I met her girlfriend and she said they move in together. But, at night, I hear girl cry above me." 

I felt my fists clench. Fury deep in my veins. This poor lady. 

"Maxine tell me girl miss her family. I hear stomping and screaming. Maxine tell me girl is athlete." The old woman was starting to cry now. "I know Maxine hit the girl. The girl come out with bruises. I watch her once hit her outside. She kick. The girl was not moving. I..." She swallowed. "Nobody help girl. I want to help. She look sweet and helpless." 

I held the old woman's hands. "Thank you. Just tell me what apartment they're in. Are they home?"

"No they not here. They at school. Everybody in complex complains about Maxine and the girl." She wiped her eyes. "Everybody blame girl because Maxine. I think Maxine is bad. " 

I decided to wait. I didn't even budge. I saw Jiwoo walk into the apartment building, keys in her fists and a sad look on her face. She was yelling on the phone in French to someone. I'm guessing it was Max. Then her voice got real soft and defenseless. As if she was the one getting yelled at now. I sat on the steps with the old woman. Jiwoo kicked the wall and began screaming. She slid to the ground and held her knees close. I watched, but she didn't notice me. My heart broke.

She rubbed her eyes. And eventually stood and walked to the apartment. I called out to her quietly. "Jiwoo?" 

She turned and looked at me with a pissed look on her face. "What are you doing here? You'll get me in more trouble." 

"Jiwoo...you don't have to do this. Just come home with me...er...Heejin. I'll take you to her." 

Jiwoo shuffled on her feet. "I can't. I'm here now. Heejin will be gone within a week. I can't do this...I can't rely on people anymore. Max is all I have left in this place. My classes are hard and...and he understands more than anyone." 

I pull her by the wrist. "Jiwoo." She winces. I see scratch marks on her wrists. I immediately yank my hand away. "You're cutting yourself now?!" The wounds were fresh. She quickly placed her arms in the sleeves. "Jiwoo. I already seen it. Please...Let's just go. You need help." 

She fell into my arms. And she began to sob. Her tears were wetting my blazer. "I-I..." 

"Sh...Let's just go before she comes." 


	16. Chapter 16

I took a bandaid and covered up Jiwoo's freshly cleaned wound. I felt my throat well up as tears threatened to pour. I had to remain strong for her. She sniffles as we sat at the red light in my car. She was sitting there just looking out the window. Her eyes were cold. My heart was shaking furiously in my chest. I began to drive after it changed. I was sure she didn't feel like talking. I couldn't hide how in pain I felt for her. I saw her finally look at me frokm the corner in my eye. 

"Why...did you do this for me?" 

I didn't respond. I just kept my eyes on the road. She touched my hand just to get my attention. I felt hairs raise on the back of my neck. I just shrugged. We sat in the car until we finally pulled up to our apartment building. I watched as Jiwoo opened her door. She looked at me with sadness in her eyes. She whispered "thank you". I smiled weakly. She was still standing there. I bit my lip unsure on what to say now. 

"Uh...I'm sorry for treating you like I didn't...."Jiwoo looked up at me. I nodded, understanding immediately. She stood in her doorway now. The door was gaping open, revealing that Heejin had already had two suitcases packed. Where was Jiwoo going to go when she left? "If you have any questions, just ask them now." 

"Well...when did you start-" 

"I did it in the bathroom today.  During class...I left early. Max was out with his friends or whatever. I found out that those 'friends' were some other girl. So I ran to his apartment and...I couldn't tell you what else I was going to do. I felt like a piece of trash. I thought...I truly felt like I wasn't worth it. Every day here I feel closer to hell," Jiwoo replied. She sighed heavily. "Classes feel blurry. My whole world revolved around Max. And I woke up to a headache because they just kept hitting me the night before. I can't even remember why." 

I felt anger surge through me as she spoke. Her voice sounded tired, not as youthful as it once did. She used to carry a happier tone, but now it was watered down. She grabbed her scarf and held it close to her. It was chilly in the hallway. "I'm here if you need anything, Jiwoo." 

She smiled and then her eyes were watering. "I need a home. I need someone." She started sobbing again. I ran to her and closed the door behind us. I never knew I would be this close to Jiwoo ever again in my life. She held me tight as she cried. I just ran my fingers through her red hair. She looked at me, blinking innocently. I never seen her eyes like this ever since I saw her again. "Sooyoung...." 

"Yes, Jiwoo?" It felt good to hear my actual name again. 

"Can you stay until Heejin comes back? I'm..." She didn't want to say she was scared. I held her as she slept in my arms. I heard her snore a little. I'm guessing it was the first time she truly slept good in a long time. I noticed that she still slept the same way she did. I smiled a little. I wanted to protect her, not for my own selfish reasons, but merely because I really love Jiwoo. I wanted to change everything the moment I saw her again. I wanted her to trust someone again, even if it can't be me. She literally had no one left. My phone buzzed in my pocket. I picked it up and looked at the text message. It was from Bella. 

Greg and I broke up. 

I furrowed my brow. Greg and Bella broke up? And what was I supposed to do about it? I didn't reply. I noticed the door was opening and Heejin walked in with her purse and binders against her torso. "Hey...was I-" 

"Nah." I carefully removed myself from under Jiwoo who was fast asleep. "I just...saw her. And, please feed her when she wakes up. She's been through a lot. And don't let Max come in. Call the police if he does show up." I pat Heejin's shoulder. 

Heejin raised her eyebrows. "When I leave, I want you to take care of her. Please. Take her away from that idiot. " She grabbed my hands. She was desperate. I knew it was intense. Jiwoo was shifting around in her sleep. "I know I can't do but so much. I know you can't either. But please, take her to a therapist. I would take her back home with me, but she refuses to come back." 

I nodded. "I will." 

Heejin hugged me. "I'll see you around. I'll be here until Thursday." 

"Alright." 

I finally settled in my apartment to get a phone call from Bella now. I sighed heavily. "Hello?' 

"Yves...lo siento por no decir adios." (Yves I am sorry for not saying goodbye) 

"It's fine...I'm in France, right now. With a job...and what not. I'm about to drop out of school...." I looked out the window. The sky was turning a beautiful shade of purple with a few heavy clouds ruining the image. 

"I want to see you," Bella says curtly. I wasn't sure how to feel. "I'm hopping on the next train to Francia soon. Can we meet for breakfast? I need to talk to you." 

"Fine. I guess I can squeeze you into my schedule," I say. I look at my calendar. I had nothing to do tomorrow. "I'll pick you up tonight, if need be though. It must be urgent." 

"But, I'll be there around...late," Bella laughs. "I remember you have no sense of time. I guess I'll see you when I get to Francia." 

"Yeah. I guess so." 

The phone call ended. I plugged my phone in and laid back on my couch. I couldn't help but think of Jiwoo. My Jiwoo. The one I met who had rosy cheeks. And that beautiful smile. Compared to this woman I know right now. The one who was broken. There were two different Jiwoos. The one I adored who was young and the one I wanted to get to know who was an adult. Both of them were so mysterious but I thought I knew so well. The skies started to get darker and it began to rain. 


	17. xvii. Ivry-Sur-Seine, paris.

I pop open a bottle of champagne and pour a glass for Bella. She was dabbing her eyes with a tissue. We were at a restaurant overlooking the Seine river. It was late in the evening, but my father's newest restaurant was still open. She took a sip from the flute and winced. "This is strong."

"Expensive stuff," I giggle as I took a sip. "So what happened between you and him?" I wanted to get straight to the point. I already knew her motive. It was perfectly clear. 

"Well, things went wrong. I kept finding myself talking about different people. I guess I made that mistake. And I kept thinking about you and how you said you would change for me....and that was just a powerful thing, Greg began to see other people without my permission." She swallowed. This was the same old story. "And I talked to Errin. I know you and her messed around and she warned me to not get caught up. I just want to know...is it too late to..." 

I sigh heavily as I take another sip. The story continues. I was now upset. How could I have put myself in such a situation where I'm seen as a playboy? Let alone, I did put myself out there for Bella. However, Bella isn't the girl I want to be with. "Too late to what, Bella?" 

"I was wondering if we can work it out." 

I took a shot to the head. I came back up feeling woozy. I noted to myself that I must call a driver. "Listen, it's a little too late for that....I can't..be with you. And you aren't emotionally stable. You should go back to Spain for school. And just...never call me again." 

"Why?" she began to tear up. I felt bad but I got her another napkin. "Nothing seems to ever work out for me." 

"I'm sorry," I muttered. I pat her head. Bella held my hand tightly. I furrowed my brow.

"It's late and the trains won't be coming until morning...do you have a place for me to stay?" 

Shit. That was all I can think. We got in my car and we just drove to my apartment. It was a quiet ride that was only filled with the radio playing today's hits. I felt her eyes on me throughout the entire drive back. I opened the door and allowed her inside. There was alreadya a blanket and pillow there because I actually set the space up for Jiwoo. I had planned ahead of time, in case she agrees to live with me. "You sleep there tonight." I walked to my room and she pulled me and kissed my lips. It took me a while before I kissed back. 

Here I go again. Flinging myself around. I mindlessly lost myself in Bella, tapping into that lust that I had before I left Spain.  I was falling into old habits and I knew I was going to regret this by morning, but I kept going. I lift her up and take her to my room and the night just went by like a blur. I was completely disconnected in my actions. I didn't even think before acting, which was something I usually do. I'm a rather impulsive person. I had my arm around Bella's naked body as the sun poured into my bedroom. 

I needed her to get out of here before Jiwoo got the wrong idea. I already screwed up. I knew karma was about to whoop my ass very soon. I'm going to break this girl's heart. Bella, who probably saw a lot of potential in me, was about to be let down. I am able to be a better person, but I chose to just unleash that little bit of lust inside of me. I got up and she moved around as I did. I went to the bathroom and washed my face. "Fuck," was all I could huff out of me. I went back to my room to see Bella putting on her clothes. I looked down at my feet. "I'm going to arrange for a driver so you can leave." 

"Leave?" 

"Yeah. I'm sorry we even did this." I placed my hand on the back of my neck, still avoiding eye contact. "You should listen to what the rest of them said. And you know how I am." 

"But, I just...we..."

"We are nothing, Bella. Just go," I said. "I'm sorry, again. I just can't give you what you need right now." 

"Why?" Bella asked. "You wanted to before." 

"I think you should just leave and talk things out with Greg because I'm not good." I can't even tell her the whole reason as to why. The only girl I would be good for is in the apartment right across from me. "Just get out." 

"No. Because I want you and we're gonna talk about what has changed." 

"Nothing's changed. I'm the same fucked up person you went to school with. Get the hell out of my apartment, Bella." 

Bella sat there. I took her by the hand and was angry. I had to get her out of here. She kept yelling. I took her downstairs and went to the parking lot. I put her in the car and drove her to the train station at full speed. She scratched my face and I jolted forward. I parked the car and took her to the front door. I threw money at her. "Please, just go!" 

"Errin was right about you!" she yelled. "You are such a jerk!" 

I drove off and tried to relax. I didn't have anything to do today, so I decided to just dedicate my time to Jiwoo. I will never fool around with anyone again. I kept mouthing this to myself. I can't do this to myself. And I must stay strong for Jiwoo. I called Heejin and found out that Jiwoo was gone. 


	18. Chapter 18

"Where is she?" I asked Heejin. 

"I don't know! I checked. Max isn't even at his apartment. I don't know where they are. I called the school and they had no information. The police don't even care, Yves...." 

"Shit." I breathed in and out of my mouth as I got a little dizzy. My anxiety was starting to act up. Heejin bit her lip and looked down at her phone. She kept playing with it and began picking at her cuticles. Heejin never changed. 

"I think it's best that she just come back home to Korea with me. Or somewhere that isn't here. She must be horrified," Heejin sighed. "I took care of her the entire time we were in Korea when her parents kicked her out. Jiwoo isn't the same Jiwoo from high school. She...broke." Heejin paused for a moment. "What broke her more was being with someone like Max. She saw Max as a protector, a blanket. He would come up in here and act like he's a boss. He made her do makeup and told her to keep dying her hair....she didn't want to though." 

I felt anger burn through me again. "The more things I here about Max the more I have the urge to kill that fucker-"

There was a knock on the door. 

"Who is it?" 

"The police," says a guy in a heavy French accent. Heejin rushes to the door and opens it. She lets him in. A short guy with auburn hair and brown eyes comes in, with police uniform. He has his hat off and his coat opened. I guess he didn't feel bothered by the cold. "I have some news about your friend who went missing, what you say...a few hours ago? I tried to help the best I can because the district didn't find this case important." 

"What did you find?" I asked, knowing fully well that I wasn't recognized as a guardian. 

"Well, they found her in Bobigny. And she's being taken to the district for questioning. She was found with illegal substances and another girl was there too. Your friend didn't look very good. We know that she's being persuaded and not mentally sane right now." 

"Mentally sane?" Heejin asked. "What's wrong?" 

"Well, the officer told me that your friend was separated from the other girl. And she seemed more at ease. We'll get more details but until then she's in holding because she was helping a criminal. We've been chasing down Maxine Chastain for the longest time." 

"Wait...Maxine is a criminal? With a record?" I asked, slightly shocked. 

"Well, over this past year a lot of things traced back to her. And it seems like your friend got into the mix of trouble. She didn't need to..." the officer sighed. 

"This is going to fuck up her visa," Heejin huffed to me in Korean. "what to do??"

I knew people who could help. I noted to make sure I get some of my fathers' best lawyer associates to help Jiwoo. Also noted to have her things moved into my place for the time being. The officer left and I sat with Heejin while she made some tea. "Well I'd be damned," I say, blowing on the mug she gave me. "Our Jiwoo got with a criminal." 

"I swear this is insane," Heejin said. "At least she's found and safe...but she could be deported. And she's always wanted to come here and study." 

"I'll help her get a home," I offered. "I have a lot of money. You can trust Jiwoo with me." 

"Jiwoo isn't a baby. She just needs...somebody," Heejin said. "And are you sure I can trust her with you?" 

"Yes. I love Jiwoo. I always loved Jiwoo..." 

Heejin sighed again. "Then why did you fuck everything up, Sooyoung? You had one simple thing to do to keep her: not tell her family." 

"And what good would that have been? I want a life with Jiwoo. They deserve to know who's in her life, Heejin. She's grown now and there are things that need to be voiced to her parents." I crossed my legs. "I'm sorry Heejin. But...yeah." 

"I just need to know she'll be okay when I go back to Korea. Please, Sooyoung. Take care of Jiwoo. She's suffered a lot. Love her like you say you do." 

+

A few hours later, we get a call from the officer. Jiwoo wasn't placed in a holding cell after Max confessed the actual truth: Jiwoo had nothing to do with the drugs she was dealing with. Jiwoo was sent home and Heejin told me I couldn't visit yet. I just sat in my apartment, watching the night go by. There was a phone buzz and I immediately jumped for it. 

"Hey," said a tired voice. It was Jiwoo. 

"Where the hell did you go, kid?" I asked. "Why did you disappear? Why-" 

"Just shut up and come here." 

I went to the apartment in my robe and slippers. Jiwoo was exhausted. There were circles around her eyes and she had a bruise above her lip. Her neck was red and she probably had more bruises. She looked at me with relieved eyes. She came up to me and wrapped her arms around me. I could feel her heart beating against my chest. I kissed her hair. "It's okay..." 

"I still wanna stay here, after all this I've been through..I'll try harder next semester to pass all of my classes...."

"Stay with me," I said. 

She released me. "What?" 

"Stay with me. In my apartment. You can live with me," I immediately said. "You know...you can live with me." 

"Well, I was going to search for a job and then keep this little pla-" 

"You don't have to. Stay with me. It'll be easier...well until, you get a job." 

Jiwoo gave me a pensive look, before she shrugged. "I suppose it'd be for the best." 

Heejin sauntered into the living room. "It's my last day. We should all get some breakfast and hit the shops. I never had time to even buy clothes." 

Jiwoo grinned. "Me either...hey, Sooyoungie, wanna come?" 

I smiled back. "I'll heat up the car." 


	19. xix. bercy, paris, france.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (a/n: XIX hahahahaha! we made it to the 19th chapter. I wanted to thank my readers for the love and support. I recently got accepted to 3 colleges and I'm trying to write out a lot of scholarship essays at the moment on top of writing my required essays for my senior year. I'm in IB courses, so it's really tough to keep up with this story. Thank you all for the love and support of this fic. I didn't expect it to get this much buzz. Also, follow me on twitter @tsunderesunbae for updates on how my life is going and unreleased fic ideas)

Yves. 

I never seen Jiwoo's face light up like that in a while. She seemed brighter and like the girl I knew again.  Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree at the sight of the name brand clothes that she would be allowed to have for free. The manager let us have the whole store for an hour as most of the employees were out for lunch. Jiwoo skipped around the aisles, picking up anything from Givenchy to Versace. Heejin had already checked out her stuff at the counter. "You know she just needed this," she says to me. "A moment of peace." 

"Yeah. I spoke with Max's neighbor and apparently, the damage was worse than the cops really put it," I say, recalling the stuff that the woman had told me in Max's apartment. I played with the metal bracelets on my wrist. "Jiwoo deserves the world. If I have another opportunity to give it to her, trust me, I would take it and I would do anything to keep her." 

Heejin gave me a pat on the back. "You have my full support but you gotta be patient with Jiwoo. She's a lot different than 2 years ago. She's trying her best right now to fix herself. I don't need the damage to be redone." 

I nodded. "Of course. I'll wait forever if I have to." 

"What drama is this?" Heejin jabbed. 

"It's clearly a drama with a crazy plot that isn't traditional and not to mention, it's really gay." 

"KBS would reject this drama in a heartbeat with their insane censorship." Heejin furrowed her brow. "Does Jiwoo have a limit as to how many clothes she could get because I swore she just picked up the whole store." 

"Allow her to shop with her heart's content. It's on my tab," I assure Heejin. "I have a black card." 

"Please don't buy Jiwoo," Heejin giggled. "She isn't that materialistic, however, she is too excitable. Like, look at her. She's in the city of her dreams and she's all overjoyed." 

Jiwoo had stars in her eyes. The ones that made her eyes twinkle brighter than the fluroscent lights of the store. She basically piroutted around the aisles and tried things on against her. She looked like a kid in a candy star. "I won't buy her. But, she can have whatever she wants as long as she's in my care." 

"You're gonna spoil the damn child," Heejin sighed. "I know she's older than me, but she needs to be protected and often disciplined." 

I laugh. "Alrighty.  I promise to at least put on some restrictions. But, I can't help it. And she's a grown woman, Heejin." 

"She's still a baby at heart," Heejin huffed. "She's a sensitive girl. And you know that."

Once we finally got out the store and got back in the car, Heejin climbed into the back seat. I gave her a confused look but she winked at me. Jiwoo, hesitantly, got into the passenger seat beside me. She looked around at the windshield and then at the GPS system. And then at the leather on the steering wheel. She gawked at me. "You better not crash this one, Sooyoung!" 

"I'm not, I swear." I smile. She looks out the window. "You need this to be washed. We can work on that together." 

"But I can just-" 

"No, we're washing your car together to save your money. I don't want you being that careless with your money, CEO or not. And tonight, I'm cooking for Heejin to make up all these months she has fed me before she goes back home. I'm making tteokbokki and some steak for my friend.  So you can take us to a supermarket-" 

"But, I want a fancy dinner, tonight," Heejin whined. "You can never pay me back. You're forever in debt with me. Just pay me with endless friendship." 

"But, Soobongie needs to have her money and stop flaunting her riches everywhere-" 

"Your Soobongie offered to pay-" 

"HEY!" I yell to silence them both. I guess things never change between all of us. "How about tonight we go to a more finance-friendly restaurant and then for breakfast, you can cook for Heejin and I. Then we can take her to the airport and she'll be there before noon. Is that good enough for the both of you?" 

"Wait. I have to cook for you too?" Jiwoo asks. She tsked and rolled her eyes at me. 

"Yes, because we're forever grateful for the beautiful swan Yves," Heejin says. "Thank you, Sooyoung!" 

"Please..." I cringed. "Don't call me Yves. Ew...all of my business comrads call me that. You guys know me so, you can call me Sooyoung." 

"What made you choose Yves?" Jiwoo asked. I suddenly decided that I wouldn't mind if she called me that because she sounded so cute saying it. 

"I really don't know," I said. "I just decided on that name in my international passport and VISA for my English name. I liked the way it sounded. I want to defy society in every way possible and that's where it came from. My father helped me decide it, haha." 

"Well...I like that name," Jiwoo said softly. "I'm gonna really miss you, Heejin." She wanted to change the subject as fast as possible. How cute. She didn't wanna completely warm up to me yet. I just grinned and kept driving. "Like, really miss you. I don't know what I'm going to do without you." 

"I have an answer," Heejin says, a light chortle in her voice. "You'll do Sooyoung....I mean. You have her and your college friends." 

Jiwoo frowned a little. "See the thing is, after the thing with Max, they sort of ended their friendships with me because of him." 

"That asshole," I grunted. Jiwoo deserved a lot of friends, as nice as she is. But, instead she tried to smile. I know I must be Jiwoo's only friend at the moment, if she even sees me as one. I'll be there for her, every step of the way. "I got you, Jiwoo. We'll be best friends." I didn't look at her because I felt her eyes just gawking at me in shock. A warm giggle creeps up inside me, just making all of me feel all giddy. 

Heejin snickered in the backseat. "No one can take my place, though." 

"That's why I'll fill the other position in her heart." I winked at Jiwoo and she turned a mad shade of red. 


	20. xx.paris, france.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> to celebrate the new teaser. double updateeeee

Getting dinner at a "financial-friendly place" was at the Ritz, right here in Paris. I wanted to blush at how under-dressed I was at this fancy restaurant. Sooyoung smiled at me, knowing how badly I used to fantasize about going here. Heejin's eyes twinkled at the lights and the bellboys who tended to her every whim. Sooyoung whispered some words to one of them and they nodded immediately. 

The area was just glitzy and glamorous. I wasn't used to it. As we were sat at a table, a man comes up with a violin. I gawked at Sooyoung. Heejin widened her eyes. And he began to play a song that I know all too well. "Che faro senza euridice" from "Ofeo ed Euridice". He was very focused on it. It was one of the best opera songs that I had studied. When I first saw Janet Baker performed it, I learned it like the back of my hand. I could basically feel Sooyoung's eyes that were on mine, which were focused on the violin. Honestly, in a way if this song could describe me...

The longing in the shortness of it. It was wondering where the life was in somebody's loved one. As it ended, I can't help but think why Sooyoung chose that song of all songs. Did she see me as her Euridice? As we began to order, I sort of felt out of focus. Was I seen as dead to Sooyoung? Did she miss something about me? Did she long for the peace in our love? I played with my fingers as we waited for the food. Sooyoung giggled at something Heejin said. I felt something inside me turn, like old times. I didn't like it when Sooyoung was friendly with other people. She tuned it down just for me. This time, a waitress came and gave Sooyoung an enticing look. I tried my best not to glare. Her short skirt showed off her nice tall legs and I was envious: all I had on was was a modest skirt and a cute cardigan sweater. I looked like a child compared to the sultry waitress who sat down our dishes. 

I had to remind myself: Sooyoung was a bonafide playgirl now. There was nothing I could do about it because she is not mine. 

"How's your food?" she asked me. 

"It's more than what I imagined," I replied, slicing my beef and biting into it. I never tasted anything more expensive in my entire life. It tasted too good. I closed my eyes and just relished in the moment. 

The violin guy came back and played a list of modern songs from off the radio. I enjoyed the song, humming along. Sooyoung grinned. "How about you sing a tune for us?" 

"S-sing?" I coughed. 

"If you'd like," Heejin said, in a quite pleading tone. 

I thought about it. I haven't really sang in a while. Most of my classes, I just lip-synched along with the choir and then just tanked most of everything, barely passing to stay inside the school. I cleared my throat. "Well maybe after I eat because I'm not quite prepared..." I was flustered. I immediately took a sip of my sparkling water. "Here, though?" 

"You used to sing to me everywhere," Sooyoung said. Of course, I did. I was smitten over her existence. Her hands would always grace upon mine. Her cheeks would turn red and she would try to hide it. Often, she wouldn't because Sooyoung was bold in her facial expressions. She was never shy with me, despite her aloof demeanor with other people. I guess that never changed. 

"I don't know what you want me to sing..."I bit my lip as I felt a little full from my meal. But, I knew that Sooyoung wasn't done treating us yet. She already pitched an order for a cake. "Any requests?" 

"How about..." Heejin had a devious grin on her face. Oh no. I could already tell what she might make me sing. It was probably the one I sang all over the way home while we walked together. I was in my final year of middle school, singing about that one girl in her 9th year. It was a classic song. How could I ever forget? "Hug by TVXQ." 

"No. Way." 

"You used to sing it all the time...come on...!" 

"She did?"

"Yes. She would be singing her little heart out," Heejin chuckled. I was keeping my warmed cheeks beneath my palms. I could not bear to really expose myself like that. "Every single day. I would have to deal with her talking about some girl she saw across the street. She used to fantasize about skipping classes with her just to know her name and then would sing it aloud with her whole chest." 

"Atrocious," I utter under my breath. I can't believe Heejin recalled that. This was something that was supposed to be a secret between us two. I guess because it was so long ago, it could be cracked open to laugh about again. 

"Now I wanna hear you sing it to me," Sooyoung said. 

I blushed. No way in hell... it had been too long ago...I already felt myself humming the first note, though. So many bittersweet memories came with that song. I had my 4th generation Ipod on, discreetly. I had cracked open a textbook so the teacher would think I was studying. Hug had come on shuffle. My head was always in the clouds back then. I was peering outside the window for airplanes and cars that would zip on past my school. I noticed a group of high school students, drinking banana milk and playing on Gameboys. A few of them had cigarettes in their hands. One of them stood out the most. She was checking her reflection in the mirror and applying some pretty red lipstick. I never saw anyone so beautiful in my life. I wanted to glance at her name tag, but the teacher slapped her ruler on my desk and my Ipod was gone forever that day.

I wanted to go to that high school because it was an arts school. I would yell about it to Heejin. She would just shake her head and she would look at her shoes. Hyunjin hung out with us at the time. Back then, I was their third wheel. They weren't aware of their feelings, but I felt like I was just that one supporting actress in their little k-drama. I can't help but know what would happen if their love continued. 

Sooyoung raised up her champagne flute. "To new beginnings."

Heejin raised her cup and I followed suit. "What new beginnings?" I asked. 

"We'll be facing the noses of our futures," Sooyoung said. "Kissing the future as if it were our wife." 

"What kind of analogy, Sooyoung...? You're too gay, dude." Heejin finished up her food. "Ah look the cake!" 

Luckily, for the rest of our evening, I didn't have to sing a lick of Hug by TVXQ. 

+ 

When morning came, I made breakfast. Sooyoung had slept on our couch the night before. I woke to see her resting soundly.  I started with the rice in Heejin's old ricemaker and also began cutting up slices of beef. I also began to fry everyone an egg. By the time the beef was finished cooking, as expected, Heejin walked in, with her bunny slippers and face mask on. "Hmmm yess...she still has it." 

"Has what?" Sooyoung chirped, raising from the couch. 

"She couldn't cook as well...." Heejin yawned. "It smells like our Jiwoo's cooking again." 

My cooking was unique, I guess. I arranged everyone a bowl. Eventually, we all sat at the table and ate a quiet breakfast. We all got ready to drop Heejin off. I wanted to cry a little because now my Heejin was going off, while I lived in Europe. It didn't truly dawn on me until recently. I should have cherished our time together more. My heart began to get heavy. The ride was too quick. 

Heejin gave me a big hug. Everything just felt like it flew by too quickly. She kissed me on my forehead. "You'll be okay. Alright, beautiful? You hear me?" 

I wiped tears from my eyes. "Mmhmm." 

"You can always call me. Though we have a nice time difference in zones." 

"I will call you every day." 

"Take care of Sooyoungie too." 

I turned my head to see the raven-haired girl with a teary-eyed grin. We had a group hug until it was time for Heejin to go. We waved her off together. And now I'm facing sitting alone with the girl I had been trying to avoid for all of these months. 


	21. xx. 0.5: seoul, south korea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a little flashback chapter since i;m not feeding you guys enough. next chapter will be up soon. i love you guys. I feel very exhausted because of my classes but this fic keeps me going. lets keep pushing until the end....whenever that is.

Yves. 

2 years ago. 

When I met this little girl, I knew I wasn't going to be the same person anymore. 

She was new. She had the freshman uniform on: much crisper and ironed than mine. She had the look of an innocent little girl. She was around a few people I didn't know. Wait, Jinsoul told me she knew one of them. She was dating one of them in fact. I recognized her as Jungeun. But, who's her cute friend? Honestly, I never thought of dating people. I never even liked people before. I was just used to kissing pretty people and reading manga with them at the book store. They would smoke and ask me to light up. I often refused to chain smoke with my friends. That habit is unbecoming. I'm already rebellious against society, as is. 

But, who on earth was this little cherub angel? And why was she gracing my hallway? My view? 

Her eyes made this grim world a little too brightl. Haseul touches my shoulder. Ha, the mom friend is back to tell me what I'm doing wrong with my life. "Why aren't you in class yet?" The wonderful class president crosses her arms. I often wonder how I became friends with someone as banal as Haseul. Okay, maybe she's not that banal. But, she's so average and chill. Not to mention, always on my case. 

"I don't know. Just checking out the freshmen," I reply, still eyeing the new girl, that stood out to me. "Do you know those kids?" 

Haseul squinted. "Well I know you know Jungeunnie. She dates Jindongie...and I'm guessing these kids transferred from the middle school down the street." 

"Huh." I decided to make a move. I never made one on my own before that required so much. This girl made me nervous and confident at the same time. I wanted to get to know her and here's my cha- "Hello. My name is Ha Sooyoung and I'm at my second year here. You need any help?" I was talking to the group as a whole, but looking at the girl in particular. I felt Haseul's eyes boring into the back of my head and I felt like my spinal chord could melt with the intensity. 

"I'-" She looked at all of her friends. One of them snickered and whispered to her. I was confused as to why. The girl calmed herself, as I'm guessing she was probably flustered. "I'm J-i-Jiwoo. Kim Jiwoo." 

"Jiwoo." She looked like a Jiwoo. I couldn't help but feel warmed. 

"And this is Hyunjin, Heejin, and Jungeun," she said, in a quiet voice. It was so timid and sweet. Quite like honey. 

"Hey, Sooyoung!" Jungeun chirped from the back of the group. 

"Hey, how do you know each other?" Jiwoo angrily shot. Her face seemed very pink and embarassed. I never seen anyone so worked up before. She looked so cute. I wanted to just...squish her. 

"Because I date Jinsoul. She goes here too," Jungeun replied. "Well, uh. We don't really need help. We're just....hanging out here until our teacher comes." 

"You know freshmen don't know how to really wait properly," Haseul snapped. "Let's go to class, Sooyoung." 

Haseul took me by the wrist but I kept looking at Jiwoo. She eventually turned away, her cheeks even reader than before. I could tell that she liked me. I knew she did. With every ounce in me I desperately wanted to sweep her off her feet. 


	22. xxiii.paris, france.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry i was gone for quite a while. senior year has literally kicked my ass. i finished my ib coursework so expect more updates

Jiwoo. 

I tried to get myself together for my first day back at school. But, I couldn't. I was still too scared to use Sooyoung's bathroom. It was my first night there. I was worried about touching her blue toothbrush. Mines was purple. I applied my own toothpaste to it and looked in the mirror. Sooyoung had little notes on the mirror that had schedules and affirmations. I thought it was so cute. I also saw little French phrases like "le dejeneur" and "patron". I snickered to myself. Sooyoung was really a CEO. It was really cute. I still was registering the idea. I fixed and applied some of my makeup. I walked out the bathroom to see Sooyoung still brewing a cup of coffee, while reading a newspaper. Adult Sooyoung was an interesting person to meet. They were very refined and still kept that same nonchalance from high school. Sooyoung looked up at me and grinned. 

"Want some coffee?"

I picked up my bookbag off of the sofa. "That sounds about good." 

Sooyoung poured some into a thermos for me. "Free of charge. Better than most cafes. I promise." I heard the wink in her voice while I was making sure I had everything. I instantly rolled my eyes. "Look, I promise I won't make this awkward. It'll be like I'm not even here, unless you want me here." 

"Let's respect each other's space." I slunked my bag over my shoulder. "You don't barge in my room, I don't come in yours." 

"I pay the bills. That's my room until you either move out or help me pay rent." Sooyoung took her keys off the counter. "Or...you become my girl." 

"No way in hell would I do that again. You're a whole player. Cassanova type," I giggle. "I'll work on getting a job." 

"You could work for me." Sooyoung jingled her keys. "Need a ride to school, little girl?" 

"Who are you calling, little girl?" 

Sooyoung grinned with mischief. "You, little girl. Wanna ride in the upperclassman's Maybach?" 

I rolled my eyes and got my bus card. "Nah. I'm perfectly fine on my own. I don't wanna be too dependent on you. I'm already staying at your place." 

Sooyoung wrapped her arms around me. I hated how my heart was fluttering a little because of how flirty they were being. I was supposed to be unamused. But, I wanted them to be close. "You can get a ride with me, any time. Your school's near my job. Plus, we have an opening. I need a secretary. Plus, maybe a singer for this event we're holding very soon." I hated how close they were to me now. I couldn't even make up my mind on how I felt. "It could help you pay the rest of your tuition." 

"Knowing your father, he probably paid in full my tuition because he loved me so much and he thought we were going to be together forever." 

"Pardon, mademoiselle. He didn't do that after I told him that we broke up. He was going to invest only to take it back." 

I was taken aback. My eyes widened as Sooyoung opened the door for me so we could leave the apartment. Before I knew it, I was on the passenger side of Sooyoung's Maybach that still smelled fresh. She turned the key into the ignition and soft classical music was playing. Sooyoung's cockiness was starting to really annoy me because of how they knew me all to well. Also, with the fact that they were pressing my buttons to make me vulnerable towards them. I couldn't fall for this playgirl now. No way. She could probably be screwing more beautiful women by the time she got to her job. She could cheat on me with a superstar model. Something insane. Sooyoung wasn't the same girl from high school. She was more evolved. 

Once we got to my school, she opened the door for me, as if I were an important person. People were looking at me. I guess the healed wounds on my face made me look the way I did when I first came here. Sooyoung pressed her lips against my forehead. "Have a good day. Let me know when to pick you up. I have to show you something." 

I wonder what she could possibly show me. As I walked onto the quad, people started to talk. I instantly felt self-conscious. Who did I think I was coming back here? I tanked most of my classes. Lip-synched during choir because my throat hurt too much from screaming the night before. Girls began to whisper about how Max was incarcerated because of something that I had done. I just brushed them aside. Once I got to my first class, Jody came up to me and put her arm around my shoulder. "Everything okay? I saw you come in with someone? Who's that? Your cousin?" 

"How...." I laugh. "No. She's an...old friend." I forgot about how Jody never seen a person outside of her culture before. She also never seen much of anything else besides the usual white and black. So, she was a bit close-minded. 

"She's kind of cute. I'm glad Max was arrested. These scandals were running the school's rep down to the ground. You know Max was kicked out the school a year prior? I heard she stayed because she was bribing the dean's kids with drugs." 

That was the most insane thing I ever heard today. I sipped my coffee. Sooyoung was right. This coffee was quite tasty. Jody folded her hands atop the table. "It's good to see you back. I hope I can get to know the real Jiwoo, rather than Max's Jiwoo." She raised her own coffee cup. "To new beginnings?" 

We clinked our cups and then class started. The professor was astonished to still see me there. I guess he didn't expect me to stay for the whole class. I never knew how rigorous the course had gotten. Thankfully, Jody was there to assist me in the classes we had together. I was often alone, but I made a new friend named Genevieve in my choir. She mentioned about how I caught her attention as a vocalist, and she knew I was having a hard time. She suggested that I go to a domestic violence group therapy to discuss with her and fellow people who experienced what I had with through. "Come with us after class tomorrow. We have refreshments and everything." 

"Sure."

She gave me a hug. "Call me Genny. I'm so glad you finally came around." 

The whole choir's attitude changed towards me. I guess they weren't big fans of Max. They were more open with me since I was more active now. I wished that I had established myself sooner, but I guess, better late than never. The day flew by instead of dragged along. Pretty soon, for the first time I spent a whole day focused on my schoolwork and choirwork. I felt so accomplished and finished my lunch entirely and then texted Sooyoung that I was off. Immediate response was her car rolling up on the quad. People were gawking at it. Well, her car did cost possibly more than 1 million. Sooyoung stood outside and nodded her head towards me. I walked over to her and got into the car. She closed it behind me and then started the car. "So, you wanna know where we're going?" 

"Yes." 

"Well, our plane leaves in 20. And we have to get here by 8, so..."

"Plane?"

"Sh...love. We're just going for a little ride."

"I should be worried." 

"You're lucky I didn't try to kiss you to shut you up yet." 

Blush. My cheeks were flushed. "Just tell me please." 

"Be patient." Sooyoung grabbed my hand and kissed it. Geez. Who was this person? They were straying far from the idea that I had of them being too cool to romance anyone. 


	23. xiv. florence, italy.

Yves. 

The plane touched down in Florence Airport and Jiwoo was still astonished, looking outside of the window. It was Jiwoo's first time in Italy. She had told me that she never experienced other European countries since she came here. My secret goal was to let her see it all. All of her dreams that she wanted, I wanted her to live them. The smile on her face came back and she was lighting up like a Christmas tree, once again. This was something she always wanted to do since we started our language lessons. Visit the world. 

"Oh my god, Sooyoung, you shouldn't have." 

We were greeted by my personal welcoming committee with flutes of the finest wine. Jiwoo took one and looked a little nervous. I assured her by touching her shoulder. She took a sip and was immediately blushing. I laughed and took mine. "Gracias, Adonis." He bowed and held open the door to a Ferrari 488 GTB. I lowkey gawked at how pretty it was. Let's hope and pray I don't crash this car while I'm lost in the moment. I didn't truly have an itinerary in mind, I just wanted to go to Italy to spend time with Jiwoo. I wanted her to be comfortable with me. 

She buckled her seatbelt in and was just staring at everything in awe. Then, she shot a dirty look at me. "You shouldn't have done this. Really."

"Why not?" I laugh. I turn on the radio and more classical music came on. "You got any requests? I'm your Uber driver today." 

"I prefer Lyft," Jiwoo sighed heavily. "Why are you doing this?"

I shrug. "Maybe you just need a break from Europe, with a little bit more views of Europe." 

Jiwoo looked outside the window at the beautiful buildings and bustling people outside. She then turned to see where we were heading. We were in one of the most beautiful cities in Europe, in my opinion. It gave a taste of the old and a little bit of the new. I always loved Renaissance-esque buildings. I put that in my mind for when I decided to purchase a house. "I can't believe you." I felt like maybe this was too much. Maybe I was trying too hard? Then again, she could have been afraid of me. Her eyes were still glittering with fascination. I was happy that my Jiwoo was slowly coming back, though. "I really can't."

"You know we haven't truly talked without a person in the room or...without something going on." I turned into a parking lot. We were at the Trattoria Sabatino, one of my favorite restaurants. "I wanted to get to know the adult Jiwoo. And I hope she wants to get to know me too." 

"I've heard enough about you from....you know who." 

"They don't truly know me, Jiwoo," I chuckle. I park the car. "Let's have early dinner here and then we can go shopping. But we have to head back before 7." 

We walked into the restaurant and a whaff of good-smelling authentic Italian food hit me. I heard Jiwoo make a pleasant sound. We got seated. It was a beautiful small restaurant that felt like you were at home. Jiwoo was more comfortable with the casual setting, so she relaxed. I took off her jacket for her and she looked at me with a soft, confused look this time. I still got it. It's been a while since I had been chilvarous. We sat across from each other and she looked at the menu and blinked twice. "Uh..Sooyoung, I can't read the menu." 

"Why-oh!" I laugh. "Luckily for me, I happen to speak some Italian." I look at the menu. "Tell me what you have a taste for." 

"Something sweet, a little salty." She looks at the menu intently. I look at her, a small smile playing on my lips. "Well, I think you want to stick within your comfort zone, eh? How about some ravioli al sugo? Then maybe when we get back, I could treat you to some cake." 

Jiwoo grinned. "That sounds nice." 

"Well, I'll have the same." 

"What is this about, Sooyoung?" Jiwoo huffed. "Tell me, what do you want? Is there some secret way? You trying to seduce me like one of your little French girls from your job?" 

"What French girls from my job?" I asked. I chuckled. "I haven't been with anyone since we broke up. Seriously, anyways. I've been actually relaxing." I  take a sip of my sparkling water. "Just doing some self-evaluation. I know I'm a crooked person." Jiwoo folded her hands atop the table and cocked her head to the side. She looked very innocent. I felt my heart pounding in my ears. Here goes that feeling again. It's been so long since I had felt it. "Seduction isn't my plan with you, if I am trying to pursue you. You'd be someone I want to truly explore as a person."

Jiwoo was trying to find something in my words. Possibly a flaw or a lie. But, everything was too valid. I didn't want anybody else. "So, what makes me so different?" 

"You're the only girl I ever loved." 

There was a long beep of silence as Jiwoo took a long sip of champagne. I had to laugh to myself. Did I truly have the power to do that? Then again, I am quite the charmer. But, this wasn't the girl I wanted to charm simply. I wanted to expand our minds together, but maybe I got so used to using my words so loosely. Being open was my specialty, but never in my vulnerability. I never truly exposed that, but I was holding my heart out in the open for Jiwoo. She needed to see that someone was ready to be there for her. The food came fairly quickly and it was steaming on the plates. My stomach grumbled as I licked my lips to dive my fork into my first bite. Jiwoo was still staring at me, conducting an aura sleuth, I suppose. 

"Just tell me the truth," Jiwoo said. "It'll be just easier if you say you want to take advantage of me." 

"Jiwoo, you don't have to-" I sighed heavily. Patience is the key. "I don't want to. I wanted to spend time with you. We're roommates after all. I didn't want us to be strangers." 

"That's kind of difficult not to pretend, don't you think?" Jiwoo asked, sternly. The criticalness in her voice made me quiver a little. "I mean, we break up. I hear about you screwing girls in England, Italy, Spain. You're all over the place! How am I supposed to truly trust you? You could be just like them and just use me. So, tell me what you want to do with me. Better yet-" Jiwoo slid a steak knife over to me. "Just do it to put me out of the misery you could possibly put me in." 

I swallowed uncomfortable. People were watching us in confusion. I looked at our plates and then pinched the bridge of my nose. "Jiwoo. Kim Jiwoo." 

"Tell me what you could possibly do to erase these thoughts from me. It happened. I'm not going to forget it. You're probably no different than them." 

I stood and huffed in an angry breath. I told the hostess to pack up our food and took Jiwoo to the bathroom. I stood my distance from her and felt my chest get very heavy. Her eyes were skeptical and in pain. I knew she went through hell. I saw the fear. I saw the distrust. I saw the lack in faith in happiness. I wanted to hug her so badly, but I know that's not what she needed at the moment. She needed some room to breathe. "I know I can't prove it to you overnight. But, Jiwoo, you know I would never do anything to hurt you." 

Jiwoo bit her lip. "It's something I just dream about every night. I don't sleep well. I may try to be happy, but I know somewhere in the back of my mind, they'll come back and I won't ever be able to live with that type of life again..." 

I nodded. "With me, you won't experience that. Do you want to go back to Paris?" 

Jiwoo looked down at her shoes. "I...we came all the way out here and...I just don't know why you're doing all of this." 

I put my arm around her. "Look. We can just go back, see the Eiffel Tower at night, then go home." I pause. "Are you okay with this?" I gesture to my arm. 

She nods slowly. "Just...please take your time. I'm still a little unstable." 

I nod. "We'll take as much time as you need." 


	24. xxvi. paris, france.

Jiwoo.

Sooyoung and I spent the evening eating our leftover Italian food and watching the Eiffel Tower. I felt a little bad that I did spark off like a firecracker on her when she was trying to allow me to adjust to her, but she did raise a good point on the flight back. "My gesture was too grand," she said to me, as we were landing. "I should have just started off small, but then again... I don't really know how to do things anymore." 

She kept her distance from me and it did make my heart ache a little. She was just on her phone, probably checking her schedule or the excess amount of girls she was involved with...if she was talking to any. I did want to ask so many questions. Like, how easy was it to forget, if she did. Or what was going on in her mind when she did all of those things. I just respected the silence between us. The night was beautiful. I was pretty sure this was my first time actually taking a good look at the Eiffel Tower since I came here. I haven't had the chance to see the thing that truly brought me here. 

I wanted to thank Sooyoung for giving me the opportunity. But, she didn't seem like she wanted to talk. I made a small sound, which automatically made her look up with concern. Those eyes. I felt weak. My heart thudded really loud in my ears. "You okay?" 

"I just..." I pursed my lips. I closed the take out box and looked around. "I feel at ease for once." 

"That was the initial goal," Sooyoung sighed. She turned off her phone and turned it face down beside her. "I think we both need a turn-around for our lives." She sounded drained. "I made some mistakes that I would love to forget about, but I know they come up to me. And, when you came back in my life, it was like...well shit.."

"What provoked you to even be like that?" I asked. "Making these mistakes, I guess?" 

"Well, like young people tend to do, we fuck up and learn shit. It was my first time being free in, what, two years? So I did what any decent 20 year old would do: fuck around. I tossed about here and there, went to Europe as an economically privileged kid-"

" 'Economically privileged'?" 

"I don't like the term 'rich'. But, I just was blind. I was unhappy with who I was because I felt like a failure. My mom basically tossed me onto my dad because she was too poor. My dad had to fight to put me and my sister on the family registry. But, my sister didn't want a piece in it. So, my father just focused on me. My mother and sister sort of slighted me as I got closer to the man. And then, losing you just topped everything."

Instantly, everything sort of came full circle. Sooyoung and I weren't as different as I thought. "So, how long did you know you were leaving for Europe before we broke up?" 

"I didn't know, Jiwoo. I just booked my flight the night you basically told me that I wouldn't equate to shit when at one time, we were all we had for each other. I may have had the old man, but you were....worth so much more Jiwoo. I'm sorry if I'm overloading this, but I needed this change. This job allows me to get the reins and find out who I am as a person. I can be my own boss and also work on photography. Truth be told, taking pictures hasn't truly been on my mind since I came here. It was booking flights left and right whenever I got too wild here or there," she says. "I was a damn trainwreck. And then, seeing you with Max...it made me feel like I failed life when it was just starting up." 

Sooyoung was tearing up. I gave her a napkin, unsure of what to do or say. I didn't know that was what was going on with her. "I'm sorry," was all I could mouth. 

"No. I'm sorry, Jiwoo. I should have just listened to you. Maybe our lives would have been a little bit better," Sooyoung said. "I know I was trying so hard to gain the everything that I had lost." 

I swallowed. "When I came here, I thought I would forget you. But it just seemed like, something wanted us together." I shivered a little in my sweater. Sooyoung took off her blazer and wrapped it around me. "It's a little cold out. We should buy some coats from somewhere." 

"Yeah," Sooyoung chuckled. "Honestly, I just want to start over with you. Something." 

"Wait." I hold up my hand. "What does this start over encompass?" 

"Just....the chance to ...I want another chance, Jiwoo." She folded her hands and now she looked like an innocent puppy. "We can take however long....how about this...by the end of the winter, I can make you fall in love with me again." 

"That's a little close...." 

"I'm up for the challenge." Sooyoung grinned. 

"Also, who said I was ever in love with you?"

"Your actions did," Sooyoung laughed. 

"But, how could I fall in love with a playgirl? How could I know I'm the only one?" 

"I cut off all the connections and if a situation were to arise, I would tell you. See, I'll admit to my mistakes." She held her hands up high, as if she were defeated.  "For you, I'll do anything." 

I grinned. "Anything." 

"I knew I could make that smile come around for me at least one time," Sooyoung said. "Alright, if I make you smile again...if it's cool with you...can I get a kiss on the cheek?" 

"One smile a day = one kiss a day," I compromised, because she was too cute. She looked like a little brown labrador puppy. I pecked her on the cheek and her face turned a bright scarlet.

"Let's get back home." She ran ahead of me and I grinned happily walking behind her to her car. 


	25. xxvii. champs-elysses, paris, france.

Yves. 

Who was Yves? Who was Sooyoung? When meeting another Korean within my father's business, they simply greet me and know me as Ha's daughter. No name given officially. Just, Miss Ha. Today, me and my employees (sheesh I have a whole posse of them. I personally noted to take them out for drinks sometime) were at Cafe Lenotre for a business venture. There were many museums nearby that my father wanted me to check out to donate some exhibits. I had my hair pulled back into a tight bun, clipboard under my armpit, and a fresh coffee in my hands. I wasn't really that hungry. I also recalled that Jiwoo was going out with a group of people later, so she wouldn't be up for dinner tonight. 

I really needed to figure out my life for the rest of the day. 

"So, are we giving them the 'Paris en Invierno' feel?" Fabio asked. Fabio was one of the first employees I hand-picked for my sector. His real name was Donatio, but he liked Fabio as a nickname. He gave a "Fabio flare", as he would put it. He grinned. "A whole listing of personal paintings that Ha has invested in on some new artists?" 

"I was thinking about Paris En tu Invierno. Gives a more personal feel. A romantic one," I say. "The vision I have for the exhibit gives the theme of falling in love in the winter and watching it blossom through time. Your winter. Your love. Try to walk through a field of floral paintings only to fall in love. The cold long winter. But, you see something beautiful within it. Making it, yours. Like, meeting the one you longed for for so long, and them finally becoming yours..."

Fabio cocked his eyebrow. "See, I keep forgetting, you were once an artist. And you look at things from the art's eye, rather than simply appreciating it." 

"Tsk tsk, Fab. I would expect a better response. I'm saying, if you were to get a vision of what you longed for, for so long. Flowers. Spring. But, in the winter time. You experience love. In a very dark period of time in your life where you think it would never end." 

"That sounds very beautiful," Emma says. Emma is my second hand-picked employee from the United States. She is an aspiring novelist, but needed funding for her collegiate studies. "Cold period of time. You get the thing you wanted the most and it's finally yours." 

"Maybe, I can get some local florists to pitch in to hand out flowers, to solidify the image," one of the museum coordinators say in their heavy French accent. "Paris En Tu Invierno." 

"That would be lovely," I said. "But also, to get the caterers from the finest places in town for the opening night.  I also want to refer for at least some spring-themed champagnes." 

"You're just trying to get everyone all warm and buttery this winter," Fabio chuckled. 

''I'd suppose," I grin. 

After the meeting ended, I got into my car. I turned on the radio and played some hip-hop. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, gazing at the sky in the horizon. I wish I still had my camera, but I lost it when I first came here. Plus, taking intricate photographs while using my steering wheel wouldn't be an awesome idea. A couple cars honk behind me and I start driving. I start to think deeply about what I want out of Jiwoo and I's relationship, but also this new exhibition. What was my truest vision for it? I haven't had an eye for art in such a long time. I need a refresher. 

Maybe I'll visit the Louvre and take Jiwoo with me when I do. I called one of my secretaries. "Hello, set up two tickets to the Louvre Museum."

"Oh...hey Yves." A familiar voice purred into my ear. 

My head started to ache. "Who is this?"

"No me recuerdas?" says the voice. "Mi amor, recuerda la noche cuando estabamos bailando debajo las estrellas." (You don't remember me? My love, remember the night we were dancing under the stars)

The poetic one. The one I met with on my last night in Spain. I silently cursed myself. "Que tu haces a mi trabajo?" 

"Te extraño, Yves. Tienes mi corazon. Como pudiste olividar?" (I miss you, Yves. You have my heart. How could you have forgotten?)

"Despues de una noche? Aye." I sighed. I hung up and finally parked in front of my job building. I slammed the door and huffed going up the stairs. I walked into the office which was bustling with employees. There she was, brown hair and hazel eyes. Freckles. Her eyes were glistening with excitement. I instantly regretted all life decisions. I ran my fingers through my hair. I rolled my eyes. "Alright who's the idiot that let the woman in?" 

"Lo siento, Yves-O," Fabio twirled around me. He jingled his beads and piroutted into his cublcle. "She wouldn't let it drop. She said she had stuff for our company." 

"Stuff like what?" I ask, glaring at her. 

"She offered a good investment." Fabio had a sing-song tone in his voice. It was hard to deny him, but I got pissed off. 

"Look, I don't want her here. We already are a multi-million dollar business. We don't need her."

"She wanted dinner." 

"We already ate." 

"Right, we did. Why don't you go out with her? She's quite the charming lady." 

Because I don't want her. I look at her and she's happily talking with one of the employees, casually looking at me from the corner in her eye. I stomp over to her. "What the hell are you doing here?" 

"Just...having a little fun," she replies. "Look, wanna go with me to dinner or no? Your secretary said you were clear for the evening because she filed the last things for you. And....who did you want to go to the Louvre with?" 

"My....uh..." I thought long and hard. "Girlfriend. Yo tengo una novia." 

"Oh," the girl sounds disappointed. I completely forgot her name. What was it...Paula or something? "Well..."

"Yeah." I felt good. Finally, I got her off of my back. I folded my arms. I can tell from the look in her eyes that it didn't stop her. She tried to touch my hands but I moved them away. "No. There's only one for me. Mi unica." 

"Okay and?" She said. "She isn't going to spoil one evening, is she?" 

My jaw tightened. I wasn't going to fall into the trap again. "Please... I can't..." She smiled, holding my hand. "No...no..." 

"Excuse me." 

A sweet voice was there. I turned my head to see Jiwoo. Oh, my god. She knew where I worked. Thank God. The angel was here. I pushed the girl off of me. "Jiwoo!" 

"Didn't she say she had a girlfriend?" Jiwoo asked the girl. 

"Y-ye," the girl sputtered. "Are you...her?" 

Jiwoo stepped into the girl's face. "Damn right." 

The girl turned red and then walked out the building. Jiwoo put her arm on my shoulder. "I come from my school to see you with a tramp?" 

"Listen, Jiwoo-" 

Jiwoo put her finger up to my lip. "We have a long way to go before you can truly call me your girlfriend. Now, give me a ride home. I ran out of money on my transit card." 


	26. xxviii.paris,france.

Jiwoo. 

I still had my doubts about Sooyoung, I'll admit it. 

Her attitude towards me was too sweet after that altercation with the female. It was as if, she was too grateful for me stepping in like that. And, she truly wanted to be my girlfriend again. My question for myself was whether or not I could handle dating someone like her again. Someone very flashy and wealthy. Would her father even accept me again? What could have possibly went down after I left that I don't know? 

We were driving on the way back to the apartment. I told Sooyoung I had a paper to finish, so we couldn't go out to eat. But, Sooyoung insisted we got takeout from this wonderful place her father scoped out. This was just so casual to her. Talking about how her father just simply invested in places, held stocks here, owned the deed there. It was as if being rich was just nothing to her. Once upon a time, she was not used to the idea though. As much as her father tried to get to know her, she would be so unsure. She would sort of talk down on the rich, calling them superficial and socially awkward. Maybe, she had become one with them? 

On the radio, there was a low buzz of the news in I'm guessing Italian because she was using satellite radio. She seemed not too enthused about it, though as she was focused on the road. I looked at her for more changes. There were a few extra piercings on her ear. Her eyes were a lot less brighter than they were in high school. She wore some chic natural makeup that made her eye color pop, though. Her hands were the same. Nails trimmed and clear, unlike how short and polish-less they looked in high school. She must have caught me looking because she started smiling really hard. It irked my soul. "See anything you like?" 

"I see nothing of the sort," I say. Okay, maybe that was a lie. Sooyoung looked like a panda bear puppy, if that made sense. Tired, but very preppy and relaxed simultaneously. Her chill personality was something that would always be there. It was what made me draw towards her. 

"Could have fooled me. You're looking so intently," Sooyoung chirps. "I don't mind it at all." 

"Oh hush up," I laugh. 

She grins and it makes me smile back. She stops the car. Before I know it, we're in the parking lot of the apartment complex. She takes the keys out of the ignition. "It's been so long since I've seen you smile like that, Jiwoo." 

I purse my lips, trying to hide my smile. She starts laughing wildly as she gets out of the car. I step out too, following her to the apartment. She unlocks it and holds the door open for me, like a gentleman. I blush as I walk in. She turns on the television and it's some cartoon. I start giggling instantly because I haven't seen anything so sweet and soothing on television in a while. I collapse onto the couch and take out my notebooks and pens. I pull out my laptop that was slightly broken because They-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named "accidentally" threw it across the room when they were in one of their fits when I was attempting to study. Sooyoung is over my shoulder, taking a good glance at it. "I can't have you working on a computer like that." She furrows her brow. "You need one? I have a new laptop in my bedroom." 

"Do you rich people just have something for every scenario?" I ask, as she walks down the hallway to her room. 

"I think you can say something like that!" Sooyoung yells. 

I roll my eyes. She walks back in with a tiny little notebook that is peach. I started to squeal and took it from her hands, thanking her in my own little language. "IT'S SO CUTE!" I open it and log into it. "Why didn't you use it?" 

"Do I look like the peach type of person?" Sooyoung cackles. "I personally prefer burgundy." She saunters into the kitchen. "I'll make us some coffee and you can get started on your paper." 

I watch as Sooyoung makes coffee while the computer loads. She was quite the distraction. I can't believe I actually forgot that. Her side profile was just so pretty and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Her suitjacket was off, her blazer, unbuttoned. Her hair was freshly taken out of the bun, falling messily below her shoulders. God, I really found her so beautiful. The biggest turn off that she was ....a play girl! She unfolded her arms and poured some coffee into two cups. Then, she began working on the coffee like a barista. I was quite captivated until I saw my whole essay, sitting at a simple 1,500 words. Six pages. I needed 10 more, to be honest. I cracked open my pre-owned textbook and dusted off the page I had to focus on. Sooyoung places the cup of coffee beside me. There was a snowflake shape in the coffee. I looked up at Sooyoung. "How did you do that?" 

"For the first year, I studied in England. I worked as a barista. I told my dad not to give me any money for my first year of study abroad, besides plane fees," Sooyoung explains. I looked at her, wondering what class she sat in. As if she read my mind, she clicked her tongue. "It was not first class, though. I wanted economic. I'm a humble human being after all." 

"Did these new riches change you in any way?" I ask. Of course you wouldn't hear it from the horse's mouth, but Sooyoung answered me in a way I didn't expect her to. 

"I walked into old money, aware of everything. I didn't want to be a brat like the people in the Ha family. I wanted to be me. So, when my dad promised me this position, I silently promised to be my own individual. Don't be his daughter or her granddaughter. You're Sooyoung...or Yves...or whatever."

I cocked my head to the side. "So...you didn't live like a rich kid in a European country?" 

"I mean...I acted recklessly," Sooyoung says. "I was put in the middle of a beautiful city with tons of women. I took out money from my savings to host like...1 party. And that was when my network of...endless women came." 

I bit my lip, sort of interested. But, I knew I had to get this essay done. "I'm fascinated by you." 

"I'm more interested in you," Sooyoung says. "I hate talking about me, in case you hadn't noticed." She sat across from me on the other sofa. She placed her cup up to her lips and the lipstick stained the mug. "What were you like when...you know.." 

"Well, you see that I started my life on the wrong foot. I stayed with Heejin and she basically tended to me for a while," I say. "I haven't had the chance to like...explore life?" 

Sooyoung nodded. "I kind of knew. No one told you this, but I never stopped asking about you. Whether it be from Heejin or Jungeun...I just couldn't stop asking about you." I widened my eyes and then went to typing on my paper, instantly trying to challenge my French. I was using crazy vocabulary I heard in lectures that my professors insisted that I watched. After a long beep of silence, Sooyoung breaks it again, like a knife slicing cheese before a fine bottle of wine. "Did you ever ask or think about me?" 

Everyday I thought about you. I just couldn't bring myself to truly say your name out loud. I nibbled on my lip, not responding. Sooyoung snapped her fingers and I immediately came out of my zone. I snapped my head towards her direction. "I never asked, but you came in my head from time to time." 

Sooyoung looked down at her cup of coffee. "Well...I heard how bad it got when you got kicked out..."

I didn't want to remember that, so I just nodded, knowing that it was true. But, then the memory decided to pop up anyway. There was a disgusted look on my parents faces, followed by my brother taking my stuff out. The front porch seemed less welcoming now, our plants dying out, ornaments damp and dirty. It was very unkempt, now that I thought about it. My father told me to never come back here, until "I got fixed". My mother looked away in shame. When they closed the door, my brother sat outside. 

"You know where people like you will end up?" he asked. 

"Let me guess," I retort angrily. "Hell."

"Ha." He grins a sneering smile. "Besides, that, you'll end up in a place somewhere in Itaewon, drunk, unmarried, no kids, nobody. Just drunk. And you'll sell yourself to people on the streets, looking for acceptance that you thought you found in this lifestyle." 

I look down at my shoes. "I'll be better than that." 

"As if! You know what jobs will do if they found out about you....what schools will do?" 

After that, I began walking to Heejin's house aimlessly. I kept hearing him scream swears and calling me out of my name. When I landed on her doorstep, I had 4 giant trash bags of clothes. She immediately helped me take the clothes inside, her mother calling my family only for them to hang up. At my graduation, I received an anonymous lump sum of cash from my family. I didn't see any of them there, just Heejin's family. A text message from the person who I thought had my back more than anyone telling me to never contact them again. 

Sooyoung looked down at her phone. "Hey. Food's here. Hungry?" She sounded a little melancholic. I nodded. She retrieved the food from the driver and she sat it on the table. It was pizza. Something simple for once. 

I took a slice and waited for her to eat first before I did. "It's good." 

"I thought you would want something a little less...fancy." Sooyoung grinned. 

I swallow. "You know...I never truly apologized to you for pushing you to the side like that." I sat my pizza down on the paper plate. "I never wanted to look back when you told them. It just jeopardized me. And I know you meant to do something else, but the outcome you wanted...it never came. And, I just completely cut you from my life...and I shouldn't have done that." 

Sooyoung nodded. "I guess, we live and learn?" 

"Maybe." I smile a little, only for it to go into a frown. "But, things just got so complicated for me. I should not have let you go that easily." 

Sooyoung broke into that cute smile. "I mean...if that never happened, we wouldn't have the second opportunity to meet again and get a chance to establish something entirely new, right?" 

I savored the taste of the pizza. "Something new?" 

"Yeah. We're adults now," Sooyoung says. "We're different. Holding ourselves differently. But I want to see if we could have the chance to fall in love again." 


End file.
